When you close your eyes and imagine the worst day of the week, what day pops into your head? I’ll give you a second to close your eyes and find out…
Probably Monday, right? Maybe even Tuesday gets tossed in the mix as well. I’m sure Sunday is on a lot of people’s lists too. But you know which day has been getting a pass for FAR too long? Wednesday.
Wednesdays suck. Big time. Not quite ‘final season of Game of Thrones’ level suckitude, but still sucky nonetheless. And if you disagree, you’re incorrect. I know technically opinions can’t be wrong, but in this case? You’re wrong. Allow me to defend my CORRECT point by ranking the days of the week, starting with the best:
The undisputed champion. Saturdays are perfection. For starters, most people don’t have to work. That alone makes it an elite level day. And there’s no shortage of possibilities of what this day may bring either! You may use it as a recovery day from a crazy Friday Night. You may get up a little early and do a beach day if the weather allows it! You may even want to get crazy and take the entire day to do absolutely NOTHING until you go out later that night. Even if you plan on doing some chores, it’s not even that bad since you have the entire day to fit your chores in around whatever fun things you want to do! Saturdays are just so versatile. And regardless of how wild you get, you have the entire next day to relax! It truly is the perfect day.
Also, Saturdays are, as we all know, for the boys.
The only reason this isn’t numero uno is simply because it’s a work day. Can’t have a work day beat out a weekend day for the top spot. Just can’t do it. But even though you have to work, Fridays are still great. In all likelihood the majority of people at your job are just counting the minutes to the weekend, so it’s likely a “last day of school” feel which is always welcome. Not to mention the feeling of accomplishment you get when you head home for the day. Not because you actually did work that week, oh no no. But because you survived through another shitty week at your shitty job. Give yourself a pat on the back and a cold beer. You’ve earned it pal!
Rounding out the Top 3 is Friday’s little brother. Thursday is similar to Friday in the sense that a lot of people have already set their sights on the weekend, so it’ll probably be a relatively easy work day. You also have the anticipation of Friday itself, so that brings some joy as well. And sometimes, if you’re lucky, you may have the next day off for some holiday or you may be planning on “calling out sick” which turns Thursday into a pseudo-Friday. And guess what, if you get a little tipsy Thursday night, who cares! No one takes Fridays seriously so you can hangover your way right to the weekend.
Woah woah woah, chill the F out, okay? I know what you’re saying, “How would someone in their right mind put MONDAY this high up on the Days of the Week Ranking!?” Well, stop shouting at me and I’ll explain. We all know Monday’s are going to be rough, but that’s just it. We know it’s coming. There’s no surprises with Monday’s. We just have to suck it up and take our lumps. A Monday isn’t going to sneak up on you. It’s going to face you like a man, look you in the eyes and mush your face. There’s a sort of comfort in that. Your coworkers know that too, so they’re likely to ease themselves into the week since they know they still have 4 dreadful days left. And who knows, maybe it was a holiday weekend and you got Monday off! Lastly, there’s also a bit of optimism that comes with a Monday. Like, who knows, maybe this week won’t suck a butt. I mean, it probably will, but at least there’s that sliver of hope!
I hate Sunday’s. I was going to slide this puppy down the list more, but I think this is as good a place as any. First of all, Sunday Scaries are very real. At about 3pm, that horrible truth starts to kick in that you have work the next day and need to mentally prepare yourself for that. You may even be hungover or still recovering from the excitement that was Saturday night, so that just makes things even worse. You’re probably just now remembering the list of things you had to do over the weekend that you obviously didn’t get done as well. But instead of doing said things, you sit there on the couch and wallow in your own filth until you reluctantly drag yourself to bed for another bad night of sleep before Monday hits. Sunday’s blow.
For the longest time I thought Tuesday’s were the worst day of the week. And I was almost right. Tuesdays are a drag. Coming off the heels of Monday, you’re just now realizing that this week will indeed suck balls just like the week before it and the week before that. You’re too far away from Friday to see the finish line so you just sit at your desk and wait for the sweet release of death. Tuesday’s have all the bad qualities a Monday would possess without any of the good things. And this is normally the day people really try at work as well, and that’s just annoying.
Ah yes, Wednesday, we meet again. This blog has now come full shitty circle. First things first, whoever came up with the spelling of WeDNesday was a dink. How difficult would it have been to just spell the damn word phonetically? But it’s like they purposely switched the D and the N just to screw with little kids growing up and make them feel stupid for mispelling the word! Secondly, “Happy Hump Day!” deserves a special place in hell. Not only because the joke is played out and only said by the office “funny guy”, but also because my name is Mike. Need I say more?
And I don’t know if it’s because the word is longer than any other in the week, but Wednesday’s just feel longer, don’t they? The traffic always seems worse on a Wednesday. There’s never anything fun going on after work. Everyone is too worn down by the beating Monday and Tuesday gave them so they take Wednesday to basically suffer in silence before finally making the turn to the greener pastures that are Thursday and Friday. Work is also in full swing too, so that means you have to actually put forth an effort during the day when all you want to do is grab your bag of Cool Ranch Doritos (or box of Cheez-Its) and watch The Office until you fall asleep.