I’m Unhappy.

***RECORD SCRATCH***

We interrupt this broadcast of your usual sports/news/social commentary to bring you a special “behind the scenes” blog. Don’t worry, we’ll get back to the normal Sully’s Space content momentarily. Thank you in advance for your understanding.

I wanted to write a personal blog today. I told myself when 2021 started that I would do more of this and I have written a total of one (1) blog that could be considered “personal”. It’s safe to say I’ve let myself down in that department. But a funny thing happens when you go and attempt to write about yourself: you have no idea how to start or where to go. With sports or any other topic I write about, it’s simple. Find the subject, give my opinion, attempt to be funny and bullshit my way through.

But writing about yourself is surprisingly difficult even though talking about ourselves is all anyone likes to do. So allow me a few hundred words or so to use my very public blog as a personal diary journal of sorts.

I am unhappy…and that’s a good thing.***End of blog***

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Eh, maybe I should expand on that, yeah? Because I promise you it makes sense. But why did I even feel the need to write this blog? Inspiration comes from the strangest of places and this time it came from a Tom MacDonald tweet:

First of all, so you know where I’m coming from, I think there is a difference between being depressed and being unhappy. As someone who has been both at various different times, I feel like, while there are similarities between the two, they both do very different things to you. Being depressed is crippling. It’s sadness in its final form. It’s an anchor tied to your foot weighing you down in the middle of the ocean as you sort through 100 different keys all while full well knowing you don’t have the right one to pick the lock. It’s suffocating and all encompassing.

But the general feeling of being unhappy is more manageable. Unhappiness is coming up and bumping your head on a float. You panic at first, but you realize all you need is a slight course correction and you’re back on your path. Unhappiness is something you can fix. It’s not always easy, but it’s something you can handle. But that unhappiness can very easily lead to depression and that’s the danger. Think about it this way: if you keep bumping your head on the float, you’ll eventually drown. If you stay in that unhappy place, you’ll get to the point where that’s a permanent feeling…depression.

***As always, these are my thoughts and opinions. I’m not trying to lessen anyone’s emotions at all and I know that not all of us can overcome the feeling of sadness no matter what form it takes. Everyone handles emotions differently, I get that. This is just a thought process that has helped me***

Think back to the tweet: unhappiness is the first step. I agree with that 100% because when you’ve had the anchor tied to your leg, every time that knot loosens, you gain a little more optimism. And that optimism is the fuel that pushes you forward. Or in this metaphor, up to the surface to breathe. You’re still technically in that same shit situation, but the odds of you getting out of it have increased. (Anchor tied tight = depression. Anchor starting to loosen = unhappiness) Don’t get me wrong, unhappiness still sucks. That anchor is still slowly pulling you down. But you’re making progress. You’re moving forward instead of backward. And that’s why you should be proud of being unhappy because it’s so simple to slip back into depression.

You could very easily give up and let your situation drag you down. That’s the easy thing to do and it’s why so many of us stay in that depressive state. Taking that first step is hard. It’s harder than anything you’ll ever do because it’s you acknowledging your shitty situation. And in most cases we put ourselves in that situation which makes it even harder to come face to face with. Making that choice to actively fix what you’re going through seems like a steep mountain to climb, but every journey starts with a step. And going from depressed with no hope to unhappy with a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel is a step in the right direction.

That tells me I’m on the right path. There’s levels to it. And if depression is at the bottom of Feelings Mountain, I’d say I’m currently somewhere in the middle and slowly moving upward. And that’s a good place to be because it’s better than where I was. Starting to see why unhappiness isn’t as bad as you think?

And that’s what went through my mind when I read Tom’s tweet. It was a lesser version of a revelation. Why am I going to sit here and continue to let that knot tighten when I can start loosening it? Everyone goes through stuff, but the one thing we all have in common is that we come out the other side. Always.

Live through what you go through.

I don’t need to sit here and type out every single issue I’m going through for you to relate in some way. We all have problems. Some more serious than others. Hell, I’m a 29 year old white guy living in Florida with money in my bank account, a roof over my head and a job. I’m sure my issues are nothing compared to what you may be going through, but regardless of the issue, if it’s big to you, it’s big to you. You can’t compare people’s problems because we all lead different lives. An easy fix to one person may be a debilitating problem to another.

**Sidenote: That’s why I’ve always hated the “oh you’re stressed out? You don’t even have any bills to pay!” or “You still live with your parents!” people. Stress/sadness/depression isn’t only caused by money. People are ignorant to that fact.**

Anyway, I feel like I’ve rambled on long enough here. I’m accepting my award and they’re starting to play the “get off the stage” music. So I guess I’ll leave you with this. Don’t let your unhappiness spiral out of control until it’s an untamable monster that refuses to be shoved in the closet in hopes that it stays hidden. There are some days where we just don’t want to be happy, and I think that’s okay. Life is really, really hard. But the key is to not allow one day to turn into a string of days.

Being happy is something that requires work. It’s a chore. Being angry or sad is simple. It requires no effort. In fact, I’d say most people are functionally dysfunctional because it’s easier that way. Instead of leading a happy life with a few sad moments, you lead a gloomy life with a few bright spots. And that’s not okay. And that’s how I’ve been living as I’m sure the majority of us have been.

But to bring this whole thing to a messy close, don’t let the unhappiness crush you. Be comfortable being unhappy. Not because you like to be sad, but because you understand that it’s the next step in being happy. You can’t go from depressed to happy in one day. Just like you can’t hike Everest in 24 hours. But every single time you take a step forward, you’re one step closer. Whether that be a giant leap or a tiny baby step, it doesn’t matter. The great part is you are not alone in this either. If you feel like you’re stumbling, tell someone. And don’t be nervous about what they’ll say because if they’re your friend, they’ll reach back and help. And if they don’t, then fuck them. They were never really a friend anyway.

Okay, this is really the end. I don’t have a great close here because as I’m typing here, I don’t really know why I wrote this in the first place. I could go back and overthink every word I wrote and try to make this more entertaining, but I don’t think that was the point. I think I just wanted to let anyone reading this know that we’re all unhappy in some form or another. But it won’t stay that way! It never does. Bad times don’t stay bad forever. I’m unhappy, and that’s fucking awesome.

“Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up”

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