You Can Now Rent Obese People In Japan

So I don’t really have a good lead in here. The headline speaks for itself. And it’s one of those ones where there isn’t really a bait and switch going on. Japan is going to let you rent fat people to accompany you throughout the day and complete daily tasks. What a world.

I know this sounds strange, but apparently Japan has been in the people renting business for a while now. You were once able to snag a middle aged man or even a sister if you’d like! But now it seems like Japan has moved on to bigger (pun intended) and better things. Now you can rent a big bone when you’re all alone! (They can use that tagline if they want, I won’t come for royalties)

The company running this pseudo-talent agency is called Debucari which literally translates to “fat rent”. You can’t make this shit up

“Debucari’s weight threshold is 100 kilograms, but they also have over-125 and over-150-kilogram classes.

Thanks to Google, we know 100 kilograms equates to 220 pounds. That’s depressing. I guess Japan has different standards than we do huh? Because if weighing 220+ can be considered “obese” over there, they must look at our country as a land filled with useless blubber-stuffed flesh sacks waddling around with our fried food and double-stuffed everything. Cool, cool.

Now I know what you’re thinking, just like the middle aged men and fake sisters before them, this is going to end up being some sort of porn thing isn’t it. But fear not, Debucari has already gotten out in front of that:

“Another important point is that Debucari is not a romantic escort, erotic entertainment, or otherwise titillating service. The company states that its goal is to promote “progression away from an era where being fat had a negative image,” asserting that “in Japan, it takes skill to reach a weight of over 100 kilograms.”

Thanks for the disclaimer but if you think these big boned babes aren’t going to be asked to play tummy sticks or naked twister, you’re kidding yourself. But as long as it’s consensual, I say no harm no foul. Just ask for tips if you know what I mean.

But I like how they’re spinning this. Putting the accomplishment of reaching 100 kilograms right up there with any other historic Japanese achievements. You gotta applaud the body positivity they got going on over there. But at the same time, it’s sad that being 220+ over in Japan takes skill but we have teenagers in America that can hit that no problem. I think that sheds some light on just how unhealthy we are as a group of people, but that’s a more serious topic for someone else to tackle, not me.

And just in case there was any confusion on just what these pudgy pals could do for you, Debucari has given you some ideas:

“I want help eating a crazy-large portion menu item at a restaurant”

Seems like the least likely one to be used. When you rent these chunky chaps, I assume you have to call ahead and order them. So basically what you’re telling me here is that you plan to go to a restaurant, order a giant meal and not finish it? That’s just rude. Finish your damn plate or take home the leftovers like a normal person. Don’t force someone else to eat your half-bitten food.

“I want help picking out a present for someone I know who’s heavyset”

Sneaky the most valuable use of this service. Unless you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, you don’t know what a bigger person would like or, better yet, what they’d dislike. Especially if you’re picking out clothing. I like this one a lot. To get presents for a heavyset person, you have to think like a heavyset person. And what better way to think like a heavyset person than to have a literal heavyset person with you every step of the way!

“I’m doing a cosplay and want someone to dress as a heavyset character from the series”

Probably the reason most people will use these hefty humans. Cosplay is big in Japan, so this just makes sense. It’s not mean, it’s a practical, legit reason to need a bigger person to help you out.

“I want someone to stand by me when I take a picture so I’ll look thinner”

Jesus christ this is insulting. If you do this, you’re a dick. Simple as that. It’s like the attractive girl who hands out with uggos so she looks better or the guy who hangs out with what he considers “losers” to make himself seem cooler. Piss off with this one.

“I have a problem that I want advice from a heavyset person about”

Kind of along the same lines as the “present for a heavyset person” option. This could come in handy.

“I want someone to play on a seesaw with me”

Is seesawing big in Japan? What an oddly specific use to have for these people. And have you ever seesawed with a person bigger than you? It’s a nightmare and you always get stuck at the top. No thank you.

Now that you have all the fun details, the only question left is how much does all this cost to temporarily own a human? It’s a bargain of a deal at only 2,000 yen per hour! That’s only $18.14. Screw all these other uses, I’m renting 10 of these girthy wonders and having my own personal bodyguards/entourage for a night out. Sign me up!

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