DC Wants You To Think Batman Is A Selfish Lover

I really didn’t want to write about this. But as a self-labeled nerd who loves any and all things superhero, I feel like I have to. This controversy has literally been taking over social media for the last 24 hours so it only feels right. WARNING: Things may get a bit sexual.

Batman 100% goes down on females. Why do you think his mask has an opening for his mouth? I don’t know why DC is trying to cover this up, but you can’t tell me that Bruce fucking Wayne, billionaire playboy (not philanthropist, that’s Tony Stark) who has women swooning over him left and right doesn’t go downtown to warm up the engines before he takes the car out for a ride. You simply can’t tell me he refuses to, allow me to use the scientific term, perform loving acts of consensual cunnilingus with the opposite sex.

And ESPECIALLY with someone like Catwoman. Have you seen Catwoman!? SHE A FREAK!

You mean to tell me a woman who can have any guy she wants chooses someone who won’t go down on her? Are ya kidding me? In this day and age? Nonsense. But it’s not just the fact that they said no to Batsy’s trip south of the border, it’s their absurd reasoning. “Heroes don’t do that” Ummmmm, whaaa? 

I thought heroes looked danger in the eye and dove in head first with no regard for their own safety? Batman has dove head first into Gothams underworld with no fear for years. You mean to tell me he wouldn’t dive face first into Catwoman with that same ferocity? It’s what heroes do!

It’s not like the Harley Quinn show is trying to get Batman having an orgy with Riddler, Penguin, Bane and Catwoman while the Joker films it. They just want the world to know that Batman cares about people on a deep (very deep) level. So much so that he will face the threat of suffocation in order to satisfy the ones he loves. That act should be celebrated as opposed to being treated like this taboo gesture. It’s 2021, grow up. We already got a fight-scene-turned-sex–scene with Batman and Batgirl anyway in The Killing Joke (more like The Licking Joke huh? HUH!?), why not add some foreplay?

Also, I’m not sure how many of you have actually watch this Harley Quinn show, but uh…the Dark Knight having a little late night sexy dessert would be FAR from the worst thing this show has. I mean, 2 minutes into it and you get a racist joke followed by an anti-semetic wisecrack that leads into Harley Quinn and Joker annihilating some thugs in a scene that, if it was live action, would be rated M for Mature. And that’s just the first episode!

In all seriousness though, they might as well just let it happen. The news has already leaked, so who cares. All people are going to be thinking about now is Bat licking the cat. What’s the harm? It won’t screw up toy sales. It won’t mess up ratings. If anything it makes Batman more relatable. 

If DC really wanted a valid reason as to why this shouldn’t happen, they had an easy one sitting right there. And it makes all the sense in the world!

P.S. The question had to be asked…

P.P.S. Which superhero do you think has the best uh…way with their tongue? My money is on Venom.

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