Let’s Ruin A Perfect Food: Part 2 – Peeps Pepsi

I need to speak to who’s in charge over at Pepsi Co. because this is…abomination, is an insult to to not only soda, but to human beings everywhere Pepsi is sold. I am disgusted.

I had to check and make sure this was real when I first saw it. Thought it was maybe like when IHOP wanted to change their name to IHOB for the burgers but then were like “HA, just kidding! We know that’d be stupid.” But this, unfortunately, is very real.

I’ve never been a fan of Pepsi (or Coke for that matter) getting wild with all these unnecessary flavors. Cherry, vanilla, lime, no thank you. Give me a fresh can of Pepsi and I’m good to go. I tend to rank Pepsi up there with Sprite when it comes to sodas. It’s never gonna knock your socks off, but for the most part you’ll never be disappointed by it. It’s a solid 6-hole hitter who consistently finds a way to get on base. It’s a slot receiver who’ll always somehow be open on 3rd and short to move the chains. It’s the complete opposite of what the Celtics are in the 4th quarter of games. Dependable. Reliable. Won’t blow you away, but you’ll never have anything bad to say about it. 

Peeps on the other hand? Peeps suck. Anyone who says they like Peeps is lying. If you are one of the dozen people who genuinely like Peeps, look at yourself in the mirror. Look at the monster you’ve become. There are hundreds of other candy’s out there and you choose a duck shaped, knock-off marshmallow. Shame.

Where can you even get these atrocities?

“Sadly, these won’t be available on grocery store shelves this year, but fans can enter the sweepstakes to win some by hashtagging #HangingWithMyPeeps”

I would rather die. You’re telling me these edible human rights violations aren’t even gonna be easily accessible? I have to enter a god damn lottery to taste this horror? That’s absurd. Any chance they had of me becoming a ONE TIME customer went out the window with that. I don’t even play the lottery to win millions of dollars. You think I’m going to throw my name in a hat to get a chance to taste something I don’t even really want to taste? FOH.

“The cans come in blue, pink, and yellow, although there is no difference in flavor. We got a first taste of the drink and can confirm that it doesn, in fact, taste like marshmallows”

Well shit, I love marshmallows. You’re telling me this REALLY does taste just like marshmallows?……No, no no no, I’m not doing it. Even if it has the ever so slight potential of being not horrible, that’s beside the point. We need to STOP fucking with foods and drinks that are amazing the way they are.

Stay strong Pepsi. Hopefully this Peep infestation blows over and you can once again go back to your spot near the top of the soda podium.

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