Fight Night in Jacksonville!
The “Florida” in that headline was kind of unnecessary though, no? If I came up to you and said “Hey friend you’ll never guess what just happened! A mom went into a Middle School with a boxing glove super glued to her wrist and threw hands with a student!” You’d roll your eyes and go “Ugh, typical Floridian..”
Anyway, I guess Edith Riddle, boxing glove in hand, showed up to Dupont Middle School to have a meeting with her daughter and the Vice Principal. Now let me stop right there. If you are meeting with the VP, you know your daughter is in some shit. The Principal rarely gets involved in matters of punishment. It’s like Thanos sending Loki to go do his bidding while he sits in his big special chair and watches. The Principal is the nice, polished figurehead of the school while the VP is the one running around collecting Infinity Stones and putting kids in their place or kicking them out.
Which is apparently what was happening here, by the way. Because this handicapped match all started when Riddle and her daughter were leaving the school.
“Riddle had just exited the school with her own daughter after a meeting with the vice principal on campus, according to the report. Rather than exiting the campus directly, the daughter walked out of her way through the cafeteria to engage the victim in a fight, the report says.”
Oh so Little Riddle was just looking to finish the fight then. I can only imagine the victim here was the reason Riddle’s daughter was getting sent home in the first place. But before she left, she wanted to get one last shot in. I don’t hate it. Make sure you let her know this isn’t over. Some “you won the battle, but not the war” stuff.
But where I DO draw the line is with this next bit.
“Riddle’s daughter pushed the victim to the ground and threw some punches before the suspect also joined in punching the victim, who was lying on the ground, according to witnesses.”
Well that’s just not fair whatsoever. When Daughter Riddle is already hitting her with the ground and pound, that’s when you decide to get your shots in? That’s not allowed. That’s a DQ in any fighting arena lady. I can understand going to bat for your kid, but when that kid is already handling her business, there’s no need for you to start throwing hands too.
Now while this story is wild as it is, let’s touch on the part that really makes it Florida wild:
“The report says Riddle had the boxing glove on her hand when she arrived at the school and had told the school it was super glued to her wrist and she couldn’t remove it.”
Edith, what’s going on here? I have so many questions. How does one end up with a boxing glove super glued to your hand. And only ONE hand at that! Why did you stop there? And what was with the super glue? To make sure no one took it from her? But if she was just chillin at home, I guess this has to be just how she trains then. And she’s just been going so hard with the punching bag recently that her gloves have been flying off. So what’s the intelligent thing to do? Find a way for the gloves to no longer fall off! Insert super glue.
This got me thinking if maybe this was the plan the whole time. The daughter told Mama Riddle, “Hey, Ma…there’s this asshole at school who’s pushed my buttons for the last time and…I think I’m going to fight her.” And I’m sure the mom said “Say less honey, LETS FUCKING GO! I got the gloves in the garage. And ima super glue those bitches on so they can’t take em off even if they tried! We’re gonna get this bitch today baby, let’s ride.”
And as a way to not be too suspicious, Edith probably only put ONE glove on so then she can still use one hand innocently while keeping the other one in her pocket or hidden behind her back until the moment is right. WWE has definitely reached out to the Riddle’s by now, right?
I love Florida.