Bill Belichick And The No Fun, Hellish Torture Chamber He’s Created

Adolf Hitler. Benito Mussolini. Josef Stalin. Cersei Lannister. Thanos. Bill Belichick.

All infamous dictators and tyrants who no one in their right mind would want to work under. In the hellscape that these aforementioned evil doers created, one would have to be forced, by threat of death, to participate in their scandalous operations. Abandon all hope and personality he who enters here. There is absolutely no way that a person would choose, with their own free will, to join forces with any of these heathens…right?

Well well well, whatta we have here! Maybe someone’s name doesn’t belong on that list after all, huh? Could it be the NFL head coach who has repeatedly had players, both young and old, choose to play for HIS team over 31 other options? And rumor has it that, if you can believe it, in many of those cases, said players actually LEFT MONEY ON THE TABLE to swear servanthood to Fuhrer Bill in his torture chamber up in Foxboro.

But all metaphors and comparisons aside, the notion that no one would want to come play for Bill Belichick once Tom Brady left was ridiculous. Anyone with a brain who follows this team knew that, but that didn’t stop the so-called professionals and fans alike from shouting from every rooftop they could find that the Dynasty is dead and will never return. It was almost as if they were trying to convince themselves as opposed to trying to convince us Belichick Believers.


Nineteen (19) players and counting have currently CHOSE to play for the New England Patriots. Of course money is a factor, but none of these players are getting severely overpaid (despite what the Twitter morons say). These players may not have had a plethora of other teams to choose from, but they no doubt had at least a couple other options when it came to playing football in 2021. But each one of them are on their way to 1 Patriot Place. And every single one of those players, as far as we know, did so under their own volition. No one was forced to sign anything or blackmailed into playing for the No Fun Team known as the Pats. There were no ultimatums or mind control serums administered. These were players who CHOSE to play for a winning coach and a winning organization.

Another fun little tidbit is that some of these players have had the misfortune of playing under one of the greatest minds the sports has ever seen, and STILL chose to come BACK for another round! David Andrews, Kyle Van Noy, Cam Newton, Trent Brown, Deatrich Wise, Ted Karras and Nick Folk all chose to put themselves through hell once again under the rule of Bill Belichick. And they all did so full well knowing that Tom Brady was not walking through those doors ever again. Which is strange because I was told that Tom Brady was the person who attracted all these free agents, not Bill Belichick. 

Allow me to hit you with some reality real quick: Everyone says Tom Brady never had weapons to work with, right? Well if he was so great at getting players to play with him, which is what everyone says, then why didn’t more offensive guys come join him for the 20 years he was in New England? They no doubt would’ve let the Pats know they wanted to come on board right? We definitely would’ve gotten media leaks that “Player X wants to come play with Brady and has reached out to the team via their agent”. And there’s no way Bill would’ve turned down talented players. But that didn’t happen. The majority of the impact players the Pats got were on defense. You telling me Brady had that much of an impact that he made DEFENSIVE players want to come play…knowing that they’d have to deal with Belichick even MORE considering he has a strong say in the defense as a whole? But I thought players wouldn’t want to play for Belichick because he’s a big meanie, right?

Moral of the story: Players still want to play for the Patriots and Bill Belichick is the reason why. The top two tight ends in the league chose to play on an offense that was more of a let down than the entire last season of Game of Thrones. And with no Tom Brady in sight, two receivers chose to come join a unit helmed by Cam Newton.

I think it’s time to put the “No one wants to play for Bill Belichick” argument to bed. Find another baseless criticism for this team. I doubt that’ll be a problem for you dinks.

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