I Was A Victim Of The Worst Kind Of Road Rage Today

I think road rage is something that links the world together. It unites us as a human race. Black, white and anything in between, everyone can relate. Every single right minded person on this planet has been bopping along to some fire Jonas Brothers one minute to turning into an absolute maniac shouting things that would make the most seasoned potty mouths go “Woah…” the next. And if you’re one of the lame-o’s who don’t have this demon within them, you are a part of why us normies DO have this evil inside us. Get off the road weirdos.

But back to the incident at hand.

I’m driving along the highway today which, if you’ve ever been to Florida and driven on I-4, it is quite possibly the worst road the world has to offer. Seemingly endless construction with an equally endless amount of morons who’ve apparently never driven on a highway before in their life. But anyway, I get on the highway and almost immediately make my way to the fast lane. That’s where I find it to be less stressful because I’m around likeminded people there. We’re all just trying to get to where we need to go and hopefully get there fast enough so we don’t have to deal with you slowpokes messing up our morning.

Once in this “fast” lane, I see an older, blue car up ahead. My heart starts to beat fast. “Come on buddy, don’t do this to me. Move over.” I thought to myself. I start to come up on him and realize this man has no intention of abiding by the rules of the road and getting out of my GOD DAMN way. It doesn’t help that there’s a giant truck next to him and, just judging by the way he’s driving, I know this guy is petrified driving with trucks. I could just sense it. You know how they say bears can smell fear? This guy was reaking fear like you wouldn’t believe.

So I end up getting a little close to him. Not TOO close, but a respectable distance to where any normal person would look in their rear view and say “Uh oh, best get out of this guys way. He clearly wants to go faster than 68 mph. I should oblige him and move over real quick.” The keyword in that statement was NORMAL. Normal people aren’t as common as they used to be and are even more scarce in Florida. So we proceeded along IN THE FAST LANE GOING 68 MILES PER HOUR for what felt like forever, but couldn’t have been more than half a mile.

Once this dink got the courage to go just a pinch faster and switch lanes, I decided to look over at him, as we all do, so I could see what type of a person would drive like such a buffoon. And this is when it happened..
HE EXTENDED HIS ARM AND GAVE ME A FULL ON THUMBS DOWN!!

I was flabbergasted. Who does that! Flip me off! Shake your fist and yell at me. Hell, even fake like you’re trying to run me off the road. THAT I can handle. THAT I’m used to. But this? A thumbs down? I was shocked and also a little hurt!

Like I said before, I wasn’t even going that close to him! There was probably a half a car length between us. I’ve been so close to the car ahead of me that you’d think it’s a Fear Factor challenge where you have to jump from car to car to get the flag at the end so you get as close as humanly possible so your partner can just take a step and they’re there. THIS WASN’T THAT!

To give someone a thumbs down is such a calculated, hurtful move. Especially when you really mean it, and this guy really meant it. You could just tell with how strongly extended his thumb was and how he had to contort his arm to even get it in the position to release the thumbs down. It’s like the physical form of a “boooo” and no one likes to be booed! For some reason it just got to me. You know when someone says “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed” and it just stings that much more? That’s how this felt.
And after all this I didn’t even get to see his face.

So the nameless, faceless “Thumbs Down” man has ruined my Tuesday. I hope, for sanity’s sake, if you all get into some road rage today, it’s the normal “middle finger, curse up a storm, stare you down” type, and not what I had to go through. Happy Tuesday

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