State of Sully

I had the idea for this blog a few months back, but I didn’t know where I wanted to go with it, you know? Do I just stay in my lane and go complete satire or do I dive behind these feelings and really get into some stuff? Should I write about pop culture/sports themes or do I stick to personal things? How much humor is too much? But it can’t be TOO serious, right? No one wants that. Wait, no one wants that. Is anyone even gonna give a shit? It has to be funny then, right? It gets the people going! Basically, to break it down in the simplest way I can: Should I write this as “Sully” or “Mike”.

And I think that’s the problem right there. They’re the same freaking person. One is just the other turned up to 11. So I decided to write this It’ll be all over the place. Basically like a public diary journal or sorts. Little bit of Mike, lil dash of Sully, but 100% me. (If it doesn’t make sense, think Eminem, Marshall Mathers and Slim Shady. Same person, different way with words)

Speaking of Eminem, screw you if you think he’s not good anymore. Listen, lyrical ability is lyrical ability and this guy oozes it out of his fucking pores. Music To Be Murdered By Side A and B are a true tour de force in lyricism. Go listen to “Darkness” and “Book of Rhymes” and get back to me. Genius. At. Work. Mini rant over.

I can’t start anywhere other than mentioning how I am now engaged though. Yes, I understand the sentiment from many of you was “Jeeze it’s about time”, but piss off. This is a big deal! I never thought Nicole would say no (cocky, I know) but I still will never forget how ridiculously nervous I was. And it wasn’t even a big proposal either (sorry Nic). At some point during quarantine, Nicole jokingly said “We aren’t watching anymore Marvel movies until you propose..” And if you know me, you know what had to be done. And no, this isn’t an “ultimatum”. We would ALWAYS joke about when I’d finally propose. This girl waited a decade for me to pop the question, and not once did she get upset to my face. I’m sure she did behind closed doors to her friends and mom, but hey, good things come to those who wait!

ANYWAY, we’re watching TV one day (not a Marvel movie due to her silly rule) and I got up, went to our bedroom closet, grabbed the ring and started literally shaking. Knees weak, arms heavy, real 8 Mile stuff. I left the bedroom and went to the kitchen. Baby steps, but we’re almost in the same room. “Why are you even nervous!?” I kept saying to myself over and over. I pump faked going back to the living room almost a dozen times but I eventually made my way back to the living room and, even though I somewhat blacked out mentally, I know she said yes because we’re tying the knot April 16th. I did initially wish the proposal itself was more of an extravagant thing, but it just felt..right. Our relationship isn’t meant for or built for Instagram likes, it’s meant for real life. Simple, yet imperfectly-perfect in every way. So I’m happy with how it happened. OH, and I know everyone says this, but I genuinely could not find a better person to spend my life with. The amount of nonsense Nicole has put up with being with me on a day to day basis should be considered cruel and unusual punishment.

But that’s why she’s the best. She’s my lobster. I love you, and I like you. Always.

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: 2020 fucking sucked, huh?

Obviously for many different reasons for many different people, but this year has been an absolute dumpster fire for us as a human race. 2020 kicked our collective asses in a way that we haven’t seen since Thanos made the Avengers his bitch and destroyed half the life on Earth.

And maybe that’s a pretty good reference because what I saw this year was something I thought I’d only ever see in movies or video games. A very real pandemic quite literally killed hundreds of thousands of people while forcing us all to walk around like we’re in the beginning of a zombie movie. Whether your opinion on COVID is left, right, man made, conspiracy, etc, I don’t give a shit. It’s killing people and you all look like assholes when you shove that simple fact to the backseat for some bullshit political agenda or as a way to push whatever belief you have. Wear a fucking mask and stop being a dunce. ***Gets off soapbox***

I do think I had the Rona though, which was fun. There was a stretch of a few days where I woke up with my back in ridiculous pain every morning and felt like I had the flu all day. But I still went to work everyday. WHOOPSIE! That’s on me, guys, sorry. That was back when I didn’t quite believe that this was going to be an actual pandemic, in fact I think it was still an epidemic at that point? Listen, we’ve had a year of this and I still don’t know what the difference is if we’re in the trust tree here

Speaking of work, 2020 also brought a career change for yours truly. Got out of the car business and into the timeshare business! Same same, but different. I decided to get out of a dying profession (face to face salesmanship won’t be around in 5 years, watch. You’re going to be getting your cars out of vending machines) and go to a job where I can still make money but frees me up to chase my goal.

And now that I’m out of car sales, lemme tell ya, FUCK that nonsense. That sentiment MAY be aimed more towards at my last dealership as opposed to the industry itself, but I will never ever go back. For those of you who are in it and love it, keep kicking ass! I know many people who are thriving selling cars and that’s awesome. For me though? I’m good. It’s tough to have a job that needs you be full engulfed in it to succeed when you’re daydreaming about the next topic you want to write about when you get home. Also, never having a weekend off and always missing family get together s takes it’s toll after 7 years when you work at a dealership that repeatedly shows they value you less than the the customers they blatantly lie to on a die to day basis. I won’t namedrop that dealer because I’m not THAT petty……….

……….actually, I kinda am. There’s a Hyundai dealership in Orlando which is such a toxic place to work, that they have more turnover there than I’ve ever seen or heard any other dealership have. And the GM has to be either actively destroying the morale of his sales floor or he just genuinely does not give a shit about his employees. (I vote the latter as I worked with him for 2 years and saw it all unfold) This isn’t sour grapes either, as I’ve always been a company guy, but over time when you repeatedly see management (not all managers! I still got friends over there) lie or throw you under the bus with no backbone to be seen, it takes it’s toll. Also, never a good sign when the GM legitimately hides in his office while he lets a manager who’s been employed for less than 6 months fire you while you’ve worked at the place for 4 years. This is the same GM who preached “we’re a family”, “you’re my Sully” and all that hollow crap.

So to the friends I’ve made at Greenw..I mean..that “unnamed Hyundai dealership” over the years, I appreciate every single one of you for helping each horrid day go by quicker. And for the ones still there, godspeed friends and get your asses out of there. Otherwise, good fucking riddance.

Now, I know what you’re saying: “Oh okay Mike, you just couldn’t hack it as a salesman huh?” I understand why you’d think that reader, but you are mistaken sir/ma’am. Let me explain. 2020 was also a year of..not self-discovery”finding out what I actually want to do in life and not letting a single fucking thing get in the way of that anymore”.

You know that “light bulb” moment you hear celebrities talk about when they say “THAT’S when I knew I wanted to do ____________ for the rest of my life” or the exact moment they found their “passion” in life? I’m one of the lucky ones who found that. Quick history lesson: When I started my blog back in 2018 it was on somewhat of a whim, but also with the thought, or the hope, that this would inspire me to do what I want to do in life. Whatever that is or was.

And that’s exactly what happened.

The GOAT himself, battle rapper Loaded Lux, dropped a gem in an interview with Math Hoffa earlier this year when he said, and I’m somewhat paraphrasing because I can’t find the clip: “There’s a difference between being motivated and being inspired.” We’re all motivated by something right? Whether it be money, wealth or some object we’re trying to get. But few people are truly inspired. Motivations fade and, often times, when they do, you’re left hollow standing there with something you achieved but didn’t really bring you happiness.

However, when you’re inspired? That shit lasts. It gives you a different outlook on life. You literally evolve. We’re talking Charmander to Charizard level evolution here. “Why the hell am I out here bashing my head against the wall trying to sell someone a base model Elantra when it’s not what I want to do with my life?” – the doofus asked himself. So I started my blog (cliché incoming) hoping to find that spark. That..something, whatever it was, that would nudge my clueless ass in the right direction.

Fast forward to a few months after I started this blog. Nicole told me that Bri, one of her friends, said that a relative (?) of hers read and liked a blog I wrote. Wait, I don’t even know this person and they like something I wrote? Light bulb. It may seem minuscule to you, but it was big for me. I mean, my first blog got like, 40 views and I freaked out. The next dozen subsequent blogs got less and less than that. Then I had a Tyreek Hill blog that got 5,000 views along a bunch of (negative) feedback on Twitter all because I didn’t like that he **allegedly** broke his child’s arm and **not allegedly** threatened his wife.

THEN I got picked up by a small start-up type company to write about the Patriots! Prime Time Sports Talk WHADDUP! Exciting! Buuuuut then got let go from said company a 6 or so months later when they claimed, and I quote, my “online presence was alarming” and I “needed to stop criticizing public figures, athletes and politicians”. I mean, they could’ve just said I was too much of a bad boy for them, amirite?

Another light bulb moment goes out to Bryana (another one of Nicole’s friends. I told you, I’d be nothing if not for this girl) and I don’t think I’ve ever told her this either. She started her blog Keeping Up With Bryana. Side note: i was so upset at that name. Like, so simple yet so catchy. I went through a litany of strange names before I landed on Sully’s Space. Writing is what I’ve wanted to do for a very long time and to see someone I consider a acquaintance friend do that before I did pushed me. Also made me jealous, I mean..I’M the writer of the group!!

The last, but technically the first, light bulb moment for me came from KFC from Barstool. He did a series called “Behind the Blog” (highly recommend if you’re a Stoolie) with Rone (YouTube Rone battle rap. You’re welcome) where at one point they’re talking about passion and inspiration and how they got started. And I believe it’s was Rone who said, again somewhat paraphrasing, “If you want to do something..just do it. If you want to write, write! Start that blog, who cares. If you want to do it, do it. If it’s your passion you won’t make excuses.” Holy shit did that hit me hard. And he’s right. Stop procrastinating. If you want to do something, fucking do it. Who cares what anyone says or thinks. So regardless of whatever happens with me in regards to writing/blogging, I owe the start of it to Kevin fucking Clancy and Roney babe the Prince.

So, I buried my head in my laptop/phone/work computer (yep, i used company time to write about Coke Boars) and slowly morphed what you’re reading this on now: Sullys Space. And for someone who is cripplingly self conscious about every aspect of his life, this was a giant fucking leap for me. But what’s that Will Smith quote, “On the other side of your maximum fear are all the best things in life”. And I think I’m on that other side. And it’s awesome.

But this isn’t a history lesson on how I got here and whatnot. This is about MY year in 2020.

So, speaking of putting myself out there in ways I never thought, YOUR BOY GOT HIS YOUTUBE CHANNEL UP AND POPPIN! Well I mean, a few videos with iffy lighting/editing, BUT POPPIN NONTHELESS. Like, subscribe, share, comment?, I’m not a seasoned Youtuber yet, so I think that’s what I’m supposed to say. It’s basically just a video version of my blogs instead of writing them. A…vlog, if you will. I won’t call it a vlog though because for some reason when I say “vlog” all I can think of is makeup tutorials.

Why did I start my Youtube? Why am I continuing to put my blogs out as much as I can? (this year has been a roller coaster, we’ll get to that) Simple. The goal has always been to work at Barstool Sports. Laugh all you want, shit, I’ve laughed even thinking about it, but when you’re inspired, you’re inspired! Nevermind the fact that Robbie Fox has conversed with me on numerous occasions, including this nugget:

Oh, and have any of you had Clem make you a personalized video for your birthday? No? Oh..I can’t relate..

All jokes and subtle best friend gestures from Barstool employees aside, one of these days I will recall this exact blog on Barstool Radio when talking with KFC about what brought me to Barstool Sports. If you think that’s a crazy goal, good. I do too. But if your goal doesn’t scare you, then what the hell are you even shooting for? So laugh now losers, you’ll see, you’ll all see..

It’s not all hopeful and good though, this is a blog about 2020 after all. So, my grandfather passed away. I’ve been mostly lucky when it comes to death in my life. Other than my Nana passing away from cancer when I was much younger, I’ve been relatively untouched by the hand of death. But this year really gave a gut punch. Papa was the best. If you know him, that needs no further explanation. If you didn’t know him, well then I feel sorry for you. Everyone who met this man loved him but I was lucky enough to be his grandson.

Words can’t really describe how I feel now or how I felt at the time, but just know I miss you. I know you’re reading this right now telling me to get off the sad stuff and get on to how the Patriots suck. Crack a Coors Light for me. I love you Papa.

I’ve definitely started to think more about mortality this year and how I’ve impacted others and when I’m going to end up kicking the ol bucket. It’s morbid, I know, but we’re all dying, act accordingly. I don’t recommend dwelling too much on it though because then you get into “what happens when I die” and “how can I just not….be” and then you get a headache. Introspective, deep ass thoughts are better in small doses my friends.

But anyway, it made me think and I wanted to get this out there in the world: if you are one of the people reading this (of which there aren’t many) and I’ve made you feel bad/angry or disrespected you in anyway (of which there ARE many) I am sorry. This isn’t a 12-step process type of apology thing, but the apology still stands. When you’re no longer around (death or just moving/fading friendships) all that’s left is the feeling you gave people. I get the sense I’m on the not-so-great end of that spectrum, so I’m doing what I can to rectify that. ***rectify is a nasty word. Makes me think of rectum***

Yeah so uh, how about them Patriots!? Speaking of death, the Dynasty may have just croaked right before our very eyes. Oh well, this isn’t solely a Patriots blog though. Just know that they suck. I mean SUUUUUCK. That’s a pretty big deal in 2020. Also, the Patriots being out of the playoffs while the Bills are being touted as one of the best teams in the AFC is how you know we have now fully made it to the Upside Down. The Matrix. The Nightmare Realm. Welcome to Bananaland people!

Realized there are too many random things I can talk about that don’t deserve paragraphs but I feel should still be mentioned so…bullet points!

  • I’ve decided I look better with facial hair than without. If you do not like this new, rustic Mike, then we must part ways.
  • I’ve discovered my face is dented. It’s literally slanted, curved even. My left side of my face looks like it was sat on as a kid. It’s there if you look for it, you’ll see.
  • I don’t think Christmas is the best time of the year. In fact, it is the worst. You can disagree if you want, but you know I’m right.
  • I keep tabs on who didn’t wish me Happy Birthday..just remember that..
  • Cats are actually really good pets, but cat PEOPLE are weird
  • I’ve been suspended from Twitter twice this year and this current ban ends on New Years Eve at midnight. All because I called Lil Pump a “fucking bitch”.
  • I’ve discovered I am a Seltzer Slut. They’re honestly just a superior drink to anything else and if you’re too “manly” to drink them, you’re missing out. 1. Truly 2. Bud Light Seltzer 3. Corona Seltzer 4. White Claw
  • There is this little kid that play ding-dong-ditch with my door and I am two more times away from going crazy on him..and I don’t think I’d be wrong for it!
  • HUMBLE BRAG: I lost 29 pounds this year on Keto. Subsequently gained 8 pounds back by eating 16 cookies, chinese food, pizza, alcohol, stuffing and pasta in a one week span from my birthday to Jesus’s birthday, but hey, what can ya do
  • The Office leaving Netflix at the beginning of 2021 is blasphemous. Outrageous. Of all the terrible things that have happened this year, of course after the death and racial issues, Michael Scott not being easily accessible to the masses is right up there. I, for one, am livid and I hope you are too. Where the petition on THIS, huh? Y’all start petitions for everything else but not this? Come on. #SaveTheOffice

So here we are guys, at the end of this pseudo-State of the Union address about myself. If you’ve made it this far down, I’m sorry my life isn’t more entertaining for you. That’s why I write about OTHER things and not my boring, Floridian life. I say “Floridian” but I am not, not will I, EVER be a god damn Floridian. I’ve been here for the better part of 5 years and let me tell you, the rumors about this place are true. Crazies everywhere like you read about! No rules. No laws. Hot as all hell. I would not recommend.

Anyway, I for one am ready to see 2020 in the rearview. I mean, 2021 is really just a different page on a calendar, but if you’ve survived this year, be grateful. Tons of people didn’t and many more just barely did. I thought I was bulletproof from anything the world threw at me only to find out for the better part of this entire year I was uh, pretty depressed! I genuinely didn’t think it was possible for me to be actually depressed either. I know that naïve, but I always pictured myself as the one for people to talk to or to help people out, not to have the tables turned and have ME being the one trapped in my own head.

I don’t know, whether it was just the constant death/sadness/overall dreariness of the world or it was my hellhole of a work environment, this year beat me the FUCK down. Repeatedly. Still hasn’t really let up! And that’s a pretty big accomplishment for 2020 because I like to think I’m a pretty optimistic guy. But even I got knocked to the canvas by this year. Don’t post the “Why do we fall” GIF, Don’t post the “Why do we fall” GIF, Don’t post the “Why do we fall” GIF, Don’t post the

I say all that not to pull the “woe is me, I’m sad” card, but to pull the “hey, we’re all going through it this year. Don’t feel alone. Don’t feel trapped. Every single person is going through (different) stuff. If you need help, someone is there” card.

If this year has taught me any lesson, it’s that you are the only one who can truly effect (affect? effect? No one has ever used these words correctly, who cares. I don’t think there’s ever actually a situation where you’d use Affect anyway) how you feel and where you go in life. I’m not saying that your significant other, friends, etc, can’t help you along the way, but it’s truly up to you, deep down, to make the decision to go left or right. Forward or backward. If you’re sad, make a conscious decision to start the path to feeling good again. Like I said, I KNOW that it’s not that easy. It may take weeks, months, years even. But it all starts with you deciding to help yourself.

If you’re not where you are for your occupation, start to make moves to do what you want! Is it easy? Fuck no. If it was, I’d be a rapping astronaut who does a podcast for Barstool on the side.

But you gotta make that first step. Obviously nothing is an overnight fix. You don’t become happy just like that. You won’t be working at your dream job in a week. It’s not realistic. But what IS realistic is you making that decision to do it and not letting the bullshit that life throws at you stand in your way. You may not know if and when you’re on the right track, but want a hint? If you can see your friends or even complete strangers succeeding and be happy for them? You’re doing something right. Because you know, deep down, maybe even subconsciously, that you’re finally on track to being happy and doing what you want to do. And that’s what this year has, in it’s own roller coaster way, shown me.

It also made me realize that 2021 won’t be any different from 2020 unless you make it so. Not on some “New Year resolutions” bullshit either, no one follows those. But on some “this year is going to suck unless I make it not suck” type stuff. Again, make the decision yourself. I mean, I made a “decision” (my razor broke and I’m too nervous to buy another one because I really have no idea what I’m even looking for and with my luck I’ll get one that cuts my face up and I’ll be laughed at like Baby Grinch when he tried to shave his face to impress Martha and then I’ll have to move to Mount Crumpet) to grow facial hair and it’s happening! I mean, does it look great? Who can really say. But it doesn’t look THAT bad! It’s the little successes guys..

So again, here we are folks, at the end of the line. For real this time. I haven’t discovered my outro yet which, if I’m starting to blog via YouTube, I need to find one fast, so I don’t really know how to end this.

Thank you for reading this. I appreciate it and I appreciate you. I hope Cam Newton is off the fucking Patriots next year next year is better than 2020 not only for me, but for all of us. Hopefully Sully’s Space becomes somewhere where I post some personal, “real-life” blogs too. Who knows!

So hopefully when you come back to Sully’s Space at the end of 2021 to see my “State of Sully” address, you’ll be redirected to my Barstool Sports profile and you can go “Hey! I know that guy! That’s Mike! From Sullys Space! That’s my friend! Wow, he made it. I can’t believe he made it.”

And I’ll look back like, “Yeah, it’s me. And that’s right…I fucking made it.”

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