The DEFINITIVE Ranking of All 151 Pokémon

I saw a blog floating around from Barstool Sports a site that will remain nameless that ranked all 151 of the original generation of Pokémon and decided to take a looksie. Being the Day 1 PokeMaster that I am, I was very intrigued to see where some of my favorites were ranked.

But let me tell you, what I read was blasphemy. Pure chaos. No rhyme or reason as to why certain creatures were ranked higher than others (Ditto above Charmander? Are we serious here?). So I decided to make the correct ranking of all 151 OG Pokémon.

***What ranks each Pokémon in it’s position will be explained in a snippet under its picture. There is no real science to this so I am taking everything into account. Usefulness in the games. Look. Name. Style. Evolution tree. Role in the TV show. Overall impact on the PokeGenre. Those are the guidelines I went by. The Pokémon who was incorrectly put in that spot by the person from the other company who made a PokeList will be in parenthesis at the end of my little snippet about each choice. This took me 12 hours over 2 days. Enjoy!***

151. Magikarp – What a useless sack of shit this guy (?) is. Couldn’t learn any move in the game, even though it would’ve been great if he could at least be the HM Whore you’d stash at the bottom of your team so you can have him use surf or strength while your other, actual useful Pokemon, can learn their awesome movies, but nooooo. All this waste of sea flesh could do was SPLASH. And no, I don’t subscribe to the rumor that Splash was actually the most devastating move in all the game but had the lowest success rate. Living off the success and fame of your evolution doesn’t get you any brownie points with me. Magikarp is a very clear 151. (Barstool: Spearow)

150. Metapod – Another useless Pokemon. Look at his eyes too! He’s either too lazy to care or high out of his mind. Either way, not a guy I want anywhere near my team. The middle of arguably the worst evolution tree in the PokeWorld, Metapod is another asshat who couldn’t learn any moves! All he did was harden! HOW DOES THAT HELP ME BEAT TRAINER JOE METAPOD, HUH!? HOW ARE YOU USEFUL!? (Barstool: Zubat)

149. Kakuna – Metapod’s evil step brother for all intents and purposes. Just as useless, just looks mean and has a tie on if you look closely. Also, his evolution tree is arguably the second worst in the PokeWorld, right up there with Metapod’s. (Barstool: Golbat)

148. Zubat – I. Fucking. Hated. Zubat. So much. I have vivid memories of being on the verge of getting out of Mt. Moon (or any other cave for that matter) after you face your Rival in the games, draining you of health and potions, having to deal with this little annoying shit attacking you every other step you take. Zubat is the most annoying Pokémon ever created and he serves no purpose. I’d put him last, but at the VERY LEAST, he can learn more than one stupid move. (Barstool: Metapod)

147: Abra – Ugh. I hate that I had to do this. I love Abra. Or at least I loved the idea of having an Abra. He evolves into arguably two of the coolest psychic Pokémon in the game, but god DAMN was he tough to catch! Young Mike spent hours trying to catch this guy in that small patch of grass to the left of that bridge in Cerulean City. You know the one I’m talking about. He also only knew teleport when you caught him, so leveling him up was a biiiiiitch to do. Like I said about that imbecile Magikarp, I simply will not allow you to leach off the popularity of your evolutions. You must be able to hold your own. And for that Abra, you fall to the bottom 5 of my list. (Barstool: Kakuna)

146: Rattata – Quick question: who growing up called this nuisance RAT-A-TAT-A? Because up until a few years ago, I had to idea the correct pronunciation of this guys name was RAT-TAT-A. This has to be one of those Mandela Effect things, no? Anyway, deducting points for making me embarrassed that I’ve been calling him by the wrong name all these years. Also, the second most annoying Pokémon in the game right here (screw you Zubat). How many times were you just trying to cruise through some grass to get to the Pokémon Center or just trying to make your way to the next town when this gnawing little shit jumped up at you? This is just a purple rat with two teeth. Doesn’t even get any style points with it’s look or it’s evolution. Just a forgetful creature to be honest. (Barstool: Tauros)

145: Bellsprout – Such a weak twig this thing was. Could hardly hold it’s own in battle, looks like a flimsy rejected tree branch and Vine Whip was it’s only cool move. Yet another completely forgettable Pokémon. If you take Bellsprout out of the PokeWorld, no one would notice. (Barstool: Weedle)

144: Weedle – Just like many others on this list, I have a personal vendetta against Weedle. I cannot tell you how many times this guy somehow went first when battling me, poisoned my Pokémon, got his ass killed dead and then laughed at me as he took his last breath watching me run off to the nearest Pokémon Center to heal my poisoned Charmander. I hate Weedle. Trying to look all cool with a spike on his head and tail, screw you buddy. (Barstool: Caterpie)

143: Caterpie – The only reason Caterpie isn’t lower on this list is because in the “Ash’s Butterfree” episode of Pokémon, Caterpie is adorable and a guy you can really get behind. It’s sad it can’t evolve but after a pep talk with Pikachu, this little tike takes out Koffing and Ekans, thus sending Team Rocket, you guessed it, blasting off again! But even a valiant effort against not one, but two formidable foes isn’t enough to bump this horned caterpillar any further than bottom tier. (Barstool: Krabby)

142: Farfetch’d – Talk about your “who cares” Pokémon, amirite? I love some Pokémon. I hate some Pokémon. But I can honestly say, no Pokémon gives me less of a reaction than this bird with a stick. Did anyone ever waste their time actually catching this guy in the games? I couldn’t tell you one thing about this guy, and THAT is why no one cares about him or his stupid ass name. (Barstool: Kingler)

141: Spearow – If you were a fan of the show, you should hate Spearow with a passion. First episode, a flock of these evil, devil birds almost murder Pikachu. Just complete assholes for no reason. For that reason alone, whenever I played the game, I would actively fight every Spearow I found. Never even bothered to catch one. Screw this guy. (Barstool: Pidgey)

140: Porygon – Another Pokémon that, if you erased it from existence, no one would know. I don’t even think you could catch this thing in the wild. I believe the only way to obtain this science project was by buying him with coins. So technically he’s not even really a Pokémon. He’s just some weird prize that no one ever wanted. Also, other than “tackle”, this robot didn’t learn a move until level 23. That move is Psybeam, which is pretty cool, but that’s the only cool thing about this weird looking fella. (Barstool: Bellsprout)

139: Krabby – A tiny little crab with no discernable qualities that make it worth your while. I guess you can catch it and tech it surf or strength? Meh. (Barstool: Weepinbell)

138: Pidgey – I like Pidgey. It was normally the first Pokemon I’d catch in the game, pretty simple to level up and it’s evolution tree is above average I’d say. But just for the sheer fact that I have run into THOUSANDS of these things when all I want to do is walk through grass for a second makes him fall into the bottom tier of my list. But on the surface, there’s nothing really wrong with this guy. Just wrong place, wrong time. (Barstool: Nidoran Boy)

137: Beedrill – Not even spikes for hands could make this roided-out bee useful. You catch a Weedle, get it to evolve into a Kakuna, go through the horrendous process of leveling that trash Pokémon up and THIS is what you get? All flash, no substance. Weak defense, weak attacks, wings but can’t fly, there really is no saving grace with this one. And it’s a bee! No one likes bees. The only good thing I guess you could say here is that Beedrill is a pretty badass name. (Barstool: Nidoran Girl)

136: Tentacool – When it comes to water Pokémon, this guy is public enemy numero uno. And unlike it’s name may lead you to believe, he is not cool at all. Not one bit. The Zubat of the sea, Tentacool will always be there to attack you every few feet when you’re trying to swim to Cinnabar Island or wherever else you’re trying to get to. There was no point in catching him either because if you are in the water, you already have a Pokemon that knows surf. There is literally no reason to catch this weird squid. Especially when, if you tried hard enough, you could catch his evolution pretty easily thus rendering him useless. I also remember as a kid being shocked when I realized those big red things on it’s head aren’t actually it’s eyes. Took a major hit in the “cool” department with me there. (Barstool: Paras)

135: Goldeen – First of all, this things voice was far too sexual in the show. If you’ve watched the show, you know what I’m talking about. Goldeen was out there sounding like a phone sex fish. Ew. Secondly, this also somehow looks like the face of every angry female I’ve ever seen when she’s had enough of you or whoever else’s shit. Without some badass evolution to get it’s rep up, this pink-lipstick-wearing fish is lucky it’s even this high on the list. (Barstool: Porygon)

134: Tangela – Tangled up headphones. That’s the first thing I think of when I see Tangela and that’s not a good thing. What is this supposed to be? Are the blue strings hiding something? Or is that just the hair of this strange Pokémon? But somehow this creature is smart enough to wear little booties? I don’t get it. Caught one once in the game and thought it was going to be so cool, but ended up being stashed in the PC for eternity. (Barstool: Seel)

133: Nidoran Girl – This is just Rattata with different colors, no? Sure the evolutions are pretty badass, but when you are essentially a rat with two cool older siblings, that’s not going to get your far in this world pal. (Barstool: Horsea)

132: Nidoran Boy – Same thing as his sister, just with more spikes on him. (Barstool: Nidorina)

131: Ditto – Face from Nickelodeon. Ditto is a F-R-A-U-D. He quite literally has to turn into another species in order to serve any purpose on this planet. It’s one thing to leach off your own evolutionary tree, but when you are so useless that you have to leach off of an entirely different Pokémon? Ditto should be ashamed of itself. And even if you have him in battle, once you use transform, your opponent essentially gets a free shot at you before you even have a chance to look at your new moveset. Also, I don’t think there’s a Pokémon in existence that had less thought and creativity go into it than this one. He’s literally just a blob with a smiley face. (Barstool: Nidorino)

130: Mr. Mime – Nightmare fuel. C-R-E-E-P-Y. A clown with kneepads has no business being a Pokémon. Add to that the absolutely bananaland theory that Mr. Mime is actually Ash’s dad which would mean, yes, Ms. Ketchum did the dirty with a Pokémon and that’s why Ash doesn’t age, because he has a little PokeBlood running through his veins. Or that Ash’s mom turned his dad into a Pokémon acting like some weird Black Widow who turns her mate into a Pokémon after she extracts a child from him. Fun stuff! (Barstool: Farfetch’d)

129: Jynx – Based off of 90’s Japanese fashion, Jynx is entirely too sexual to be a Pokémon. I’m not saying that I myself find her sexy, but I am saying that she is exuding pure sex with her mouth like that and long blonde hair/round boobies. Her and Mr. Mime belong together. Additionally, never had her in the game nor did I ever come across one in the wild. (Barstool: Omanyte)

128: Paras – Puny little insect with no defense and seemed like it took forEVER to evolve. And it’s evolution isn’t even that great. Add this to the list of Pokémon that could fall of the face of the Earth and no one would care. Although, there’s something cute about it that prevented it from falling further back in this list. (Barstool: Goldeen)

127: Gloom – Gloom just…freaks me out. I don’t know why. I can’t describe it, but it’s entire look just makes me feel weird. Also, I’ll just say what we’re all thinking: who’s PokeCum is that? (Barstool: Jynx)

126: Oddish – It’s not often that the first of it’s evolution tree goes before it’s older siblings, but that’s the case here with Oddish. Cute. As. A. Button! But that’s where it’s worth begins and ends. No real use in battle and could become very annoying if you were walking around in an area where it’s species was common. Not quite useless, but also not very useful. (other list: Pidgeotto)

125: Nidorina – The middle child is always the forgotten one and that’s never been more true with poor Nidorina here. Everyone knows her evolution and is familiar with her prevolution due to how common you run into them, but no one ever talks about Nidorina. Pretty useful in battle too which is always appreciated. (Barstool: Sandshrew)

124: Nidorino – Once again, same thing as it’s sister. (Barstool: Koffing)

123: Golbat – Golbat catches a lot of flack because of it’s younger sibling, but he’s actually pretty useful. I had one in the game one time and he’s pretty good to fight with. Running into one of these in the wild was always a rush because that meant you wouldn’t have to deal wtih leveling up a freaking Zubat to get to it. I give it props for venturing out from behind Zubat’s annoying ass shadow to create it’s own legacy. And for that, you get number 123 sir. (Barstool: Doduo)

122: Wigglytuff – We normally talk about younger siblings leaching off their older siblings success, but in this case we have the opposite. Would anyone give a shit about Wigglytuff if it’s younger sibling wasn’t an absolute legend? Didn’t think so. Only saving grace is that it’s kinda cute. (Barstool: Venonat)

121: Parasect – An absolute monster when it came to defense. You could toss this guy out there against anyone in battle and he’d eat up damage like it was his job. Also, I don’t know why, but I feel like if Parasect could talk he’d have an English accent and be very smart. I don’t know, something about his eyes. (Barstool: Shellder)

120: Seel – It makes sense for Seel to be white, because when it comes to any defining traits, this guy is as vanilla as they come. These weren’t as common as you’d think in the game so that alone is the only reason he’s where he is on this list. If he were too common, he’d fall back with Goldeen and Tentacool. (Barstool: Dewgong)

119: Dewgong – I don’t mean to be seal bashing here, but I just never cared much for this evolution. Never tickled my fancy. It’s just a bigger Seel with better flippers/tail and and overbite instead of an underbite. I guess the name is a cool play on words with it’s real life counterpart but other than that, forgettable. (Barstool: Raichu)

118: Weepinbell – Close your mouth you dirty plant. I’m going to say something that I will immediately regret: This is a PokeFleshLight. It’s a miracle Weepinbell got this high on the list, but I stand by it. Just like I stand by my Fleshlight take. (Barstool: Fearow)

117: Butterfree – Listen, is Butters gonna move the needle for many people? No, probs not. But let me tell ya, if you were going against Brock and couldn’t beat his Onix and you happened to have this cute bugger on your team? You were in luck. Throw some Sleep Powder or Stun Spore on that rocky ass and you’re cruising to a victory. I can’t tell you how many times this poisonous beauty got me out of a few jams in my journey. And he’s (she’s) adorable. This picture doesn’t do it justice, take my word for it. (Barstool: Rattata)

116: Grimer – Ditto’s cooler brother that everyone knows is kinda stupid, but is still the life of the party. Look at that face, always ready for a good time. But I will say this, this guy would not leave you ALONE in the Power Plant. All I’m trying to do is catch an Electabuzz and this pile of melted gum kept following me around. (Barstool: Diglett)

115: Raticate – Suffering from the Zubat-Paradox, Raticate on his own is pretty formidable. Hyper Fang is a badass move and this chunky lug could still fire up a Quick Attack when called upon, but his prevolution just ruins it for him. He will forever be linked to that sniveling little shit Rattata. And for that, he cannot go higher than 115. (Barstool: Gloom)

114: Koffing – Tough not to be a fan of Koffing just by looking at him. Just wallowing in his own filth. Not a care in the world with a smile on his face. Also, in battle he wasn’t effected by ground moves in later generations which gives him a few extra points in my book. And he was a mainstay in the TV show as well. Some would say he even stole the show whenever he appeared on screen. (Barstool: Butterfree)

113: Ekans – The day I learned that “Ekans” was just “Snake” spelt backwards threw my mind for a loop. If it weren’t for the TV show, Ekans unfortunately would’ve sunk far lower than his current spot, but when you are a part of PokeLore like this rattlesnake is here, you earn your spot almost cracking the Top 100. This is another one of those annoying Pokémon that always seemed to pop up when you didn’t want to be bothered running through grass though. And for that, 113 is where you coil up my friend. (Barstool: Cloyster)

112: Venonat – For some reason, and I don’t know why, Venonat was always alright in my book. He never really did anything cool or had any awesome moves nor does he have a great evolution, but there’s just something about Lil V that tickles my fancy. He knew Confusion which got me out of a few jams with some psychic baddies so maybe that’s it. Going with my gut on this one. (Barstool: Tangela)

111: Exeggscute – 5 eggs (and one dead one) had no business looking this badass, but yet here we are. With the leader in the middle with that shit-eating smirk, Exeggscute was actually pretty shitty in battle, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t get a freaking rush when you finally caught him in the Safari Zone. (Barstool: Dodrio)

110: Seaking – If Magikarp could manage to stop acting like a complete buffoon for 5 minutes and somehow courted a Goldeen for the act of love making, this would be their bastard child. Seaking could learn Horn Attack and that move was pretty cool. (Barstool: Exeggscute)

109: Doduo – A flightless bird may turn some people off, but coming from someone who’s favorite animal in a penguin, that doesn’t phase me one bit. Doduo is goofy-cool. And he was actually pretty decent to fight with too. I have also always been fascinated how someone like Doduo can learn fly, but some Pokémon with actual wings can’t. Interesting edge to have over your opponent. (Barstool: Ponyta)

108: Omanyte – Ah yes, one of the fossils you get at Mt. Moon. The Helix Fossil. I will be very honest with you right now, I never played with an Omanyte. I got the fossil. Brought it to Cinnabar Island and everything. I just completely forgot to go back and get the fossil once is transformed. While this creature looks about as menacing as Gary from Spongebob, it’s still a relic turned into a living creature. And that’s pretty cool. (Barstool: Victreebell)

107: Omastar – For being a legendary Pokemon, this guy kinda looks like a dufus. Looks like he’s got his hands up trying to scare you going “BOO!” He is very rare though, but not rare enough to crack the Top 100. (Barstool: Raticate)

106: Eevee – The first real upset of the list. Eevee suuuuucks. Boring, bland ass cat/squirrel looking thing with a mane trying to be a lion. Get outta here. Also, I don’t think it’s evolutions are all that great. Yet another Pokémon who’s trying to live off it’s siblings because no one really gives a shit about it in it’s current form. Cute, absolutely. Useful? Not one bit. (Barstool: Seadra)

105: Nidoqueen – Another upset back to back (to back with the following pick as well). Nido is a Queen, that alone is enough to bump her up. She has some pretty solid attacks and can withstand some hefty shots. But at the end of the day, this is the Top 151 Pokémon. The OG’s. And I just don’t think the Queen (nor her husband) made enough of an impact to crack the Top 100. Sorry your Highness. (Barstool: Cubone)

104: Nidoking – Same as his wife above. Solid player, may even win you a game or two. But once his team goes and wins the Championship, no one will remember what he did to get them there. (Barstool: Marowak)

103: Poliwag – Being cute can only get you so far. And these next few picks are going to realize that really fast. You have to be an exceptional level of cute to have that be your deciding factor to dip you into the Top 100. And Poliwag, simply put, isn’t cute enough. A liability in battle and no real cool moves (other than being able to learn Surf) he’s the guy who gets cut before the season starts, but still has a fanbase in that city. (Barstool: Tentacool)

102: Horsea – Cute as a button. Interesting nose/mouth horn. But just like I said with Poliwag, gotta bring me more than cute. Only reason he is above other cuties is because his evolution is a badass. (Barstool: Wigglytuff)

101: Dratini – Arguably the cutest Pokemon in existence today. But, like I said, CUTENESS CAN ONLY GET YOU SO FAR. Doesn’t matter that you’re a dragon and your final evolution is pretty rad. It’s rarity is what carries it to the cusp of the 100. (Barstool: Parasect)

100: Clefable – I don’t think I’ve ever actually said the word “Clefable” out loud now that I think about it. Cuteness levels off the charts, relatively powerful too, but pretty forgettable. Which is pretty bad considering she’s an evolution of such a popular Pokémon. (Barstool: Venomoth)

99: Shellder – Silly like you read about. This jokester is always sticking his tongue out. With an absolute unit as an evolution, Shellder can still hold his own in battle and has a dash of cuteness. I don’t mind giving the first double digit number to this lil guy. (Barstool: Vileplume)

98: Flareon – Every single Eeveelution is wildly overrated, and none more than this furball. Way too boujie for my liking. I just feel like if this one could talk, it’d be aprissy, pompous little spoiled shit who gets carried around in it’s owners purse or something like that. Being a fire Pokémon is the only thing that barely edged it into the Top 100. (Barstool: Persian)

97: Vaporeon – Resting bitch face like you wouldn’t believe. Only slightly cooler than Flareon, but not as cool as it’s electric counterpart. Cool spiked neck dress on too, not! (Barstool: Dugtrio)

96: Jolteon – The coolest of the 3 Eeveelutions. Other than that, I have nothing else to say. I’ve spent too much time already talking about these spruced up cats. They’re lucky the evolve via stone’s or else they’d be much further down this list. Also, how annoying was that? You have to go buy/find a stone just to make that stubborn ass Eevee evolve. Boo. (Barstool: Golduck)

95: Slowpoke – A fan favorite for sure, Slowpoke embodies something every single one of us have inside: complete and utter laziness. But at the end of the day, sure he could withstand a lot of damage, but this guy is comic relief. No more, no less. (Barstool: Growlithe)

94: Fearow – A grown up version of his asshole brother, Spearow, this guy is actually very useful in battle. I only ever used him a few times in the game, but when I did, oh boy, he came in handy. Not really memorable by any means, but he is a second evolution and makes a cameo in the TV show, so those facts alone get him in the Top 100. (Barstool: Magikarp. Guy really had fucking MAGIKARP in his Top 100. What a joke.)

93: Vileplume – Same pros as Butterfree but could take a lot more damage in battle. Still relatively forgettable, but beating this son of a bitch was always a headache for me for some reason when a trainer had him. I’d always get poisoned AND stunned so it’d be a very, very frustrating battle for me going against this plant with a cool hat. (Barstool: Seaking)

92: Venomoth – Man, this guy is just cool. Couldn’t withstand too much in a battle, but could take out some guys if he had to. And I’ll always appreciate someone who can posion, stun, sleep or otherwise incapacitate my opponent. And Venomoth could do that with the best of them. (Barstool: Staryu)

91: Exeggutor – An intimidating name, until you see this dingbat in real life. Somehow the cool egg from Exeggscute got pushed to the side in favor for the dumb egg and that’s who’s leading the pack now. Not ideal if you ask me. Still a formidable opponent though. (Barstool: Dratini)

90: Weezing – Koffing just hitched a ride on a bigger Koffing and that’s that. I don’t hate it, just pointing out that this is barely a real evolution. Tough to fight in combat though and this is another TV star, so as a way to not piss off Team Rocket, that get’s him the 90 spot. (Barstool: Ekans)

89: Chansey – Chansey is lucky she plays arguably one of the most vital roles on the TV series, because if it wasn’t for her silver screen stardom, this cute but lame creature would be closer to the back end of this list instead of being in the Top 100. Normally I wouldn’t let a one tool player scoot this high on the list, but when that one role is healing every other Pokémon, that makes a difference. And what’s with the pouch with the egg? (Barstool: Mankey)

88: Mankey – MONkey. MANkey. Cool play on words, as Pokémon is known to do. Very annoying to fight when he’d Furt Swipe you to death. And fighting Pokemon were always a little tougher to take down, so I think this is the perfect spot for this Monkey-Pig. (Barstool: Beedrill)

87: Poliwhirl – I wish this evolution tree utilized that big hypnosis swirl in it’s tummy more. They could be evil as hell if they wanted to. Hypnotize their opponent then beat the hell out of them with their oven mits. Anyway, very useful, cool and simple Pokémon. Simplicity wins sometimes, and this is one of those cases. (Barstool: Clefairy)

86: Muk – Always the first to slug his way into battle (notice how he’s always raising his hand to be picked first) Muk is a sneakily very useful Pokemon. He can absorb damage like nobody’s business and can learn a few HM’s if you need. Also: Kum. (Barstool: Clefable)

85: Golduck – This poor guy lives so deep in his younger siblings shadow that I honestly forget he exists sometimes. But we don’t forget on this list, and Golduck packs a pretty sweet punch. He’s a solid number 7 hitter in your lineup and we value that depth here. (Barstool: Arbok)

84: Dodrio – If Exeggscute evolved into a bird. Only difference is that instead of two dumb heads and one cool one, this guy has two cool heads and one seemingly disinterested one. And it was pretty rare, that gets you points. (Barstool: Muk)

83: Kingler – This is what every kid (or adult with an irrational fear of water) thinks they’re stepping on when they step on a rock or feel something near their feet. Look at the size of that claw! I remember surfing a long one time and running into this guy and being so excited that it wasn’t another Krabby or a freaking Tentacool. That excitement is the main reason he’s a little higher on the list than he should be. (Barstool: Rapidash)

82: Drowzee – Ugly but kind of terrifying. I don’t know if it’s the hands and arms straight out like a zombie or the weird trunk he has for a nose, but Drowzee is more useful than he looks and can perform psychic attacks which will always be cool. (Barstool: Magnemite)

81: Kabuto – Similar to Omanyte, the fact this this guy starts out as a fossil and evolves into a living being is pretty cool. And those big red eyes are rather intimidating for such a small, cute creature. I’m team Dome Fossil all the way, so I stand by his placement at 81. (Barstool: Golem)

80: Ponyta – A pony on fire will always be cool, but there just isn’t enough pizazz here to bump Ponyta up any higher. And for how intimidating it may look, it’s really kind of weak in the battle department. (Barstool: Nidoking)

79: Vulpix – Top 3 most adorable Pokémon in the game, Vulpix is actually a solid fire Pokémon to have in your party as you make your journey to the Pokémon League. This would be one of the few Pokémon I’d want to own. (Barstool: Nidoqueen)

78: Machop – Not one bad thing to say about Machop. Solid defense. Solid attacks. Could learn an HM. Great family tree. He’s the guy you can plug and play in a pinch and not worry about him giving you a good outing. (Barstool: Drowzee)

77: Sandshrew – We’re getting to the part of the list where almost every pick is pretty solid. Sandshrew is one of them. Similar to Machop, only cuter. Also, in the Pokémon Stadium game I am literally unbeatable at the Sandshrew digging event. Try me. (Barstool: Voltorb)

76: Seadra – Basically Horsea with an attitude. I hate how the minds over at PokeHeadquarters get so lazy sometimes with their evolutions. You couldn’t at least change his color? Give him two horn mouths maybe? But Seadra rises above his boring creators and is a pretty awesome piece to have on your team. (Barstool: Electabuzz)

75: Pinsir – Damn, I really wish I could put Pinsir higher up on this list. I mean, just look at him! Intimidating as all hell! The teeth. The missive pincers on his head. The metal looking exterior. All the makings of a Top 25 Pokémon, but he just isn’t that impressive fighting. And has a surprisingly weak defense for such a rugged look. (Barstool: Magmar)

74: Electabuzz – Similar to Pinsir, Electabuzz should be higher on this list, but he just doesn’t deserve it. Very difficult to find in the game, but once you got him, extremely underwhelming. Also kiiiiinda goofy if we’re being honest. (Barstool: Oddish)

73: Dragonair – Regal looking as shit. Look at those winged ears. Reminds me of a Greek God or something. She’s the bad bitch you don’t want to mess with but you want to be friends with. (Barstool: Slowpoke)

72: Tauros – Ugh, look at this beast. He, like Pinsir, should be Top 25. But I just can’t do it. Tauros is that superstar player that’s on a shitty team and gets no promotion. You forget he even exists until he pops up (rarely) and reminds you how badass he is. But no amount of horns or tails can hide the fact that he is a Top 3 forgettable Pokémon. (Barstool: Slowbro)

71: Victreebel – Venus fly traps are super cool. I’m not even really sure they exist, but in the Pokémon world, a venus fly trap is a Victreebel. Flip a Weepinbell upside down, throw a couple fangs on it and you get a pretty great final evolution who can hold it’s own in battle. (Barstool: Pidgeot)

70: Voltorb – An angry Pokeball. The second most unclever creation in the PokeWorld. Annoying as all hell in the Power Plant or anywhere else this orb would be rolling around. Packed a pretty mean punch though. (Barstool: Arcanine)

69: Lickitung – With a tongue like that, the only real position for you is 69. Never had one. Only fought one a handful of times. But this feels right. (Barstool: Vulpix)

68: Electrode – An upside down angry Pokeball with a shit eating grin. How many times did this guy frustrate you by using self-destruct and killing your most powerful guy? (Barstool: Rhyhorn)

67: Magnemite – The first Pokémon I ever learned how to draw, Magnemite was also the first real electric Pokémon I would catch in the game. Solid defense and some surprisingly good attacks. (Barstool: Lickitung)

66: Primeape – Mankey with a serious attitude problem and a bulging vein type thing on his forehead. Very much an asshat in the TV series too. But another very solid guy to have on your team. Barstool: Sandslash)

65: Hitmonlee – Pinsir’s karate cousin. I never owned one myself, but he’d always put up a good fight whenever we’d go toe-to-toe. Definitely one of the coolest Pokémon out there. (Barstool: Poliwag)

64: Hitmonchan – Bruce Lee is so much cooler than Jackie Chan, but unfortunately their Pokémon counterparts are the exact opposite. Hitmonchan looks 10x more intimidating as well. (Barstool: Electrode)

63: Rapidash – A fiery horse with a horn should garner a lot more popularity than it does, but Rapidash tends to get lost in the shuffle. But we don’t lose valuable Pokémon in the shuffle here at Sullys Space, so Rapidash is taking it’s rightful place just outside the Top 60. Elegant. Intimidating. Fire. Just a very solid creature. (Barstool: Exeggutor)

62: Ninetales – You’ve heard me call a couple dozen Pokémon cute by this point, but there’s one word I will use once and only once. Beautiful. Ninetales is the definition of beauty. You almost don’t even want to fight with her. She doesn’t deserve that. She should be held up in a mansion with some rich billionaire somewhere. (Barstool: Rhydon)

61: Persian – Surprisingly difficult to beat in battle and the right hand man of the evil Giovanni, Persian is the pinnacle of villainy. But still is just a big cat and cats suck. (Barstool: Starmie)

60: Pidgeot – Is it possible for the final evolution to be the worst in it’s family tree? And that’s not even to say Pidgeot sucks, but he is dangerously close to being the worst in his lineage. Long hair, don’t care is the saying, and I hate to say that many people don’t care about this guy. But please don’t be mistaken, he is tough as nails and a very welcome flying addition to any team he lands with. (Barstool: Weezing)

59: Raichu – Older sibling to the most popular Pokémon in the history of Pokémon, Raichu has a big thunder-rat shadow to get out of, but he does so admirably. A force in his own right, Raichu is an above average electric Pokémon to have in your party and can hand with the best of ’em. (Barstool: Tentacruel)

58: Growlithe – The goodest of boys, Growlithe is the quintessential Pokémon. Powerful. Quick. Looks cool. Has legendary blood. I’d take Growlithe on my team every day of the week. (Barstool: Machoke)

57: Poliwrath – This is literally a Poliwhirl. The only thing that’s changed is the eyes. This Poli is mad. Mad = wrath so hey, lets call him Poliwrath. Dumb evolution aside, Poliwrath is clearly the most intimidating one of the bunch. He’s just as much of a handful as he looks as well. (Barstool: Poliwhirl)

56: Tentacruel – Sure, he’s powerful in the game and a force to be reckoned with and yada yada yada. But if you’ve watch the TV series, you know the episode when Tentacruel is GIANT and destroying a city is one of the most terrifying things your child eyes ever saw up until that point on television. (Barstool: Graveler)

55: Arbok – Clearly the most powerful member of Team Rocket, Arbok is a cobra and cobra’s are the best type of snake. Also, when Arbok talks, he sounds evil as hell and that’s pretty cool. (Barstool: Ninetales)

54: Slowbro – #AssEatingSzn over here. Slowbro is just a slowpoke standing up with a shell deepthroating it’s tail, but for some reason this guy was an absolute bitch to beat in battle. (Barstool: Primeape)

53: Graveler – The first in the rock evolution to make the list, but don’t take it as a slight. Graveler is solid as stone but just doesn’t have the same pinnash as his younger or older sibling. 4 hands is very cool, but not enough to crack the elusive Top 50. (Barstool: Gastly)

52: Sandslash – Love me some Sandslash. Not only does he look cool as shit, but Slash was such a dominant move early on in the games. And no one slashed better than my guy Sandslash. (Barstool: Magneton)

51: Magneton – If three Magnemite’s join forces for a game or some sort of magnetic threesome, do they automatically become a Magneton? Or do all participants have to agree to give up their solo life to be attached at the ass with two other of their kind? I have questions! But regardless, Magneton is a tough bastard. Powerful as almost any other electric Pokémon and could also self-destruct. (Barstool: Chansey)

50: Kangaskhan – One of the handful of Pokemon that don’t evolve, it’s weird that he (she) has a baby in it’s puch. You’d think that would be it’s prevolution but I guess not. Kangaskhan has a defense rivaled by few, but I couldn’t defend putting him too deep in the Top 50. (Barstool: Abra)

49: Rhyhorn – The definition of a unit. This rock plated dinosaur, in my opinion, one of the most underrated Pokémon out there. Withstood a bunch of damage while dealing out twice as much. Rhyhorn is that tight end that will always be open for a crucial 3rd down. (Barstool: Psyduck)

48: Gastly – I love Gastly. At the point you can finally catch him in the game, you realize just how valuable ghost Pokémon are. He has a Top 10 Evolution tree as well. Also, the Haunted episode of the TV series was awesome. (Barstool: Machop)

47: Dragonite – For a dragon, Dragonite could be so much cooler. Don’t get me wrong, this guy was formidable as all hell in a fight, but he’s missing something that should bring him closer to the top of the list. Also, tiny ass wings for such a chunky creature. Goofy too. (Barstool: Hypno)

46: Golem – Intimidating. Huge. Strong. Defense like the ’85 Bears. You give this guy enough high power attack moves, you got yourself a superstar. Golem will go against almost any opponent and come out on top. Not many you can say that about. (Barstool: Ivysaur)

45: Marowak – Some will saw Marowak is too high on this list. To that, I say piss off. This guy is weilding the bone of his dead enemy as a weapon. And the few times I got to battle with him, he took out some pretty heavy hitters. He was also rare to come by which gives him an extra boost. (Barstool: Geodude)

44: Magmar – First and foremost, Magmar has a forehead that would put Cardi B’s ass to shame. I mean look at that thing. Yowie wowie. Interesting looking fella with the spikes on his back, forearm warmers and spike claws. Great to fight with too. His forehead alone earns him a spot in the Top 50. (Barstool: Kadabra)

43: Machoke – A fine specimen. Isn’t going to necessarily blow you away, but just like the rest of his evolution tree, these guys pose a major threat in battle. Arnold Schwarzenegger in Pokémon form. Found it weird how they were forced to do manual labor in the game and the TV series though. (Barstool: Wartortle)

42: Clefairy – One of the few cute Pokémon left on the list. Clefairy was pretty well known in it’s heyday while having a great episode on the TV series, but where this guy really had it’s claim to fame in Pokémon Stadium. If you’ve ever played that game, you know the level I’m talking about. “Faaaairy, faaairy, faaairy, faaaaaairy…” (Barstool: Gengar)

41: Kabutops – Arguably the most intimidating Pokémon in existence. Giant scythes for hands with a hammerhead shark looking noggin? AND he evolves from a fossil? He’s basically a grim reaper dinosaur. Super powerful when you finally get him too. (Barstool: Onix)

40: Scyther – Kabutops, but green basically. Add on wings and you got a badass grass Pokémon, of which there are very few. Scyther was always a fan favorite of mine too. (Barstool: Grimer)

39: Hypno – Bold fashion choice with the scarf, but Hypno pulls it off flawlessly. Shockingly durable and powerful in battle, Hypno is slept on in the “best psychic Pokémon” conversation, but he deserves to be in it. Additionally, this guy comes along with the creepiest fan theory these eyes have ever read. Beware, you will never look at Hypno the same way again..(Barstool: Mr. Mime)

Hypno appears in the song by manipulating some children to follow it promising them protection and tons of fun. During the middle of the song, it ties the children up and claims that the ropes will hold them tight. Hypno then proclaims to the children that they weren’t clever, and now they would stay with it forever.

It is unknown what became of the children after their disappearances, but it is assumed that Hypno raped and killed them, as evidenced by the lyric stating that their parents will grieve. Another possible end is that Hypno will keep the said children in a endless sleep, so he can a constant source of dreams to feed on.”

38: Cubone – The most tragic Pokémon story ever and it’s not even close. Cubone wears the skull OF HIS DEAD MOTHER on his head because he is incapable of getting over her death. It’s said that the only way Cubone evolves is when he finally comes to grips with the death of his mother. My goodness I’m tearing up..(Barstool: Kangaskhan)

37: Rhydon – All the badass qualitiesof it’s predecessor, but now it can stand up on it’s legs. Rhydon is criminally under looked as one of the strongest Pokémon ever. (Barstool: Machamp)

36: Psyduck – Objectively worthless. Psyduck makes it this high on the list because he is a PokeCelebrity on the TV show and can still produce some sort of entertainment in battle as long as he knows hypnosis. (Barstool: Charmeleon)

35: Kadabra – The middle child on a Top 5 evolution tree would be a daunting task for most, but not for Kadabra. Just a boss in every way, all the way down to his amazing facial hair. Kadabra is only topped in coolness and usefulness by his older brother. (Barstool: Hitmonchan)

34: Articuno – The first of the three legendary birds. It was tough picking which one would be lower on the list than the others, but don’t take this as a slight on Articuno whatsoever. A gorgeous bird with a powerful moveset. A linchpin in any trainers team once they beat the game. (Barstool: Hitmonlee)

33: Moltres – A flaming legendary bird will always have a spot near the top of this list. Same thing as it’s icy brother. Powerful moveset. Tough to beat. But on fire! (Barstool: Venusaur)

32: Snorlax – On my first run through the games, this out of shape POS infuriated me. But in time, I realized he’s just a big lazy teddy bear who likes to nap. And also packs an amazing punch with some impenetrable defense. (Barstool: Meowth)

31: Lapras – Lapras is so majestic man. From the TV show to the sound she makes, she’s just the best. Always been a little creeped out how she’s looking back at it in her profile pic, but oh well. Also, these Pokémon have to stop it with the “fuck me” eyes. (Barstool: Dragonair)

30: Cloyster – If I had my druthers, Cloyster would be a Top 10 Pokémon for me personally. I love him. He is the definition of badass in my eyes. A creepy Gastly looking head encased in the most intimidating oyster shell you’ve ever seen. But I can’t make this list all about me. This is for the entire PokeWorld and I can’t, with an unbiased heart, say that Cloyster should be higher than 30. Any chance you have to get this guy on your team though, do it. You will not be disappointed one iota. (Barstool: Kabutops)

29: Haunter – The more I think about it, the more I want to say that this evolution tree might be the best there is. I love ghosts. They’re so powerful. And Haunter is the most terrifying of the 3 in his family. Dream Eater was a horrifying move and Haunter was the best at it. I always say Haunter as a slot receiver who will never be the leader on the offense but he will continuously make any play when you need it. I love Haunter. (Barstool: Kabuto)

28: Machamp – Could you imagine if this guy was real? We would never lose another war again. Send a dozen of these guys wherever we are going and they will dominate. FOUR JACKED UP ARMS makes his power unmatched and his defense damn near elite. Unless your opponent had an elite water Pokémon, you were just running through competition with this steroid monster. (Barstool: Omastar)

27: Alakazam – Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam is an amazing group of names for a Pokémon evolution. I don’t think that gets enough credit. You know who else doesn’t get enough credit? This guy. He’s the old, grandpa wizard that just sits and meditates all day until shit starts to get wild and he has to get to bendin’ spoon and owning everyone. Alakazam is a damn near perfect psychic Pokémon. Attack, defense, look, style, name. He’s got it all. (Barstool: Vaporeon)

26: Arcanine – People seem to forget that Arcanine was meant to be a legendary Pokemon. Rumor has it that the creators changed their minds last minute because they wanted 3 legendary birds by themselves without having a dog in that grouping. Watch the second episode of the series if you don’t believe me. Arcanine is in the mix with the 3 legendary birds. Other than being Pokémon royalty, Arcanine is just awesome in every way. Fire dog who looks like a good boy but can also go up against literally any opponent you can think. Even water ones! I’ve had him mess up some sea creatures before, so don’t count him out against the water Pokemon of the world. (Barstool: Alakazam)

25: Pidgeotto – Pidgeotto is awesome. He just seemed more powerful than his older sibling Pidgeot for some reason. I can’t tell you why, but I just always had more success with him as opposed to Pidgeot. He was normally the first Pokémon you caught to evolve as well, and that’s some nostalgia for that ass. (Barstool: Poliwrath)

24: Wartortle – The first of the original 3 evolutions to pop up is Wartortle. 24 may seem too far back, as I know many people have some deep rooted distain for the grass starters, but Wartortle is just so forgettable. As most middle children are, he takes the cake. Still really good. Still high up in Pokémon lore, but there’s just no WOW factor that can propel him higher than this. (Barstool: Pinsir)

23: Ivysaur – Something about Ivysaur always shouted “rebel” to my. I don’t know if it’s his face or the fact that his leaves are just slightly more ruffled than his siblings, but there’s just something about him that screams “yeah I did it, so what?” and I like that. Ivysaur is my favorite of the grass starter evolution, but I can’t put him higher than 23. I just can’t. (Barstool: Blastoise)

22: Charmeleon – More of an asshole than his older brother, this guys attitude knocks him down a few pegs than where he should be. It’s also impossible to acknowledge how respectfully forgettable the middle child is of all the original starters. That’s not saying anything bad about their abilities, they’re all solid teammates, but they just don’t leave an impact. Especially this guy because the whole time you’re just waiting for him to evolve. Looks intimidating though. (Barstool: Jolteon)

21: Starmie – Defense was annoyingly strong. I remember going against Misty and being frustrated time and time again why I couldn’t beat this iced out starfish. Normally the second evolution gets higher on the list than its predecessor, especially when the strength is noticeably better, but this one’s younger sibling is a celebrity in the PokeWorld, so 21 is where Starmie sits. (Barstool: Lapras)

20: Staryu – Misty’s Pokémon. That alone get’s you Top 20 status. Pretty good defense, some decent attacks and a cool look to go along with it. This Pokémon’s celebrity status is propelling it to this position, but that will be the case with a few others going forward. (Barstool: Aerodactyl)

19: Zapdos – The best legendary bird and I will not hear any other opinion. Every move was powerful, even Peck! Thunder was devastating. Thunderbolt was an amazing 1A attack. And not to mention he looks AWESOME. (Barstool: Gyrados)

18: Gengar – You know my love for this family. Gengar is the perfect mix of terrifying and cool. Everything I’ve said about ghosts counts tenfold for this chonk. And the red eyes are the icing on the cake.

17: Venasaur – Listen, Venasaur is awesome when it comes to power. But if we’re being honest, he looks lazy. He looks like a someone that relies on his size as opposed to technique. And I don’t like that. Essentially just an overweight Ivysaur, Venasaur is a fine final evolution, but at the end of the day…he’s still a part of the much maligned grass starter family tree. Sorry. (Barstool: Dragonite)

16: Dugtrio – I have no shame putting Dugtrio this high on the list. He (they) is (are) AWESOME. Dig becomes an elite move with this Pokémon too. The cool part was that you didn’t always have to wait for evolution to get this guy, you could actually catch him which I really appreciate. Defense was sweet too. (Barstool: Articuno)

15: Diglett – Diglett is adorable and tough. Cute, but fierce. This little nubbin is an absolute weapon on your team in the game and is just as cute on the TV series as you’d imagine. Whether or not that red oval on his face is his nose or an open mouth with one white tooth is up for debate though..(Barstool: Flareon)

14: Blastoise – I’d put Blastoise higher but you simply can’t bring cannons to a Pokémon fight. It’s unfair. Blastoise visually is a masterpiece. Armored up with his shell with two water guns ready to go. He just never did it for me and I think there are cooler more impactful Pokémon that can be put ahead of him. A fine #14 though. (Barstool: Eevee)

13: Mewtwo – The Thanos of the PokeWorld, I feel weird putting it so high up on the list, but 13 feels right. 13 is bad luck and Mewtwo is as bad as they come (even though he redeems himself as most bad guys do). The villain of the OG Pokémon movie, Mewtwo is technically a Pokémon, technically not, but there’s no denying his impact. (Barstool: Haunter)

12: Aerodactyl – Criminally slept on as the most badass flying Pokémon out there. This fossil-turned-badass is tremendous. If you’ve ever had him on your team, he is essentially unbeatable. (Barstool: Squirtle)

11: Geodude – Hall of Fame name. Great look. Surprising power. Obvious defensive prowess. Unlimited stamina. Geodude was a everything you needed in an early PokeTeam during the games. (Barstool: Mew)

10: Mew – Kicking off the Top 10 (can’t believe we made it) is Mew. Potentially the most powerful Pokémon ever, Mew’s power is only matched by it’s cuteness. I have never heard one bad thing about Mew and it’s well deserved. What a pure soul. (Barstool: Mewtwo)

9: Onix – I mean, it’s a GIANT rock snake. Need I say more? Oh, and it has a giant horn. Brock’s friend, Onix has A+ fighting and defensive capabilities. He deserves to be here. (Barstool: Zapdos)

8: Gyrados – A dragon sea snake that can breathe fire and fly. That’s it. That’s the reason he’s here. The most intimidating Pokémon, pound for pound, in my book. (Barstool: Moltres)

7: Bulbasaur – Caayyooooooooottttt as a button…but weak as shit. He’s an OG starter so you knew he was going to be Top 10, but for the fact that he’s so weak and was never a favorite, 7 is where this lil sprout sets his roots. (Barstool: Jigglypuff)

6: Meowth – Meowth sits at the table of Pokémon royalty as one of the most recognizable celebrities in the PokeWorld. Team Rocket’s mascot and often times moral compass, Meowth has a legacy that gets him just out of the Top 5. (Barstool: Snorlax)

5: Jigglypuff – This lil shit. Adorable, but would draw on your face like a dink if you fell asleep on it. But the song it sings makes you fall asleep! THIS IS AN IMPOSSIBLE SITUATION! A legend in the game regardless and always a fan favorite. Plus, Sing comes in handy in the game too. (Barstool: Ditto)

4: Squirtle – The Squirtle episode of the TV series is an all time great one. Squirtle is a fine starter and has a swag about him that is unmatched. He’s also a turtle, and who doesn’t love turtles? (Barstool: Charmander)

3: Charmander – You don’t know sadness/anxiousness until you’ve seen the episode of Pokémon where Ash finds Charmander out in the rain, tail ALMOST OUT, and he has to run to the Pokémon Center to save him, thus, creating a bond for life. Charmander was always my, like many others, go to starter. Clearly the best pick, Charmander’s spot in the Top 3 is undisputable. (Barstool: Pikachu)

2: Pikachu – Duh. Pikachu is hands down the most well known Pokémon ever. Everyone likes it. From your parents to your siblings to your freaking grandparents, Pikcahu took Pokémon to a height that will never be seen again. I mean he (she) has a freaking float in the Macy’s Parade. Ash’s best friend was never not going to be ALMOST right at the top of this list. (Barstool: Scyther)

1: Charizard – Sometimes the obvious pick is the right pick. Charizard is the best. Not a weakness on him. Badass in the game. A dick with redeeming qualities in the show. Intimidating look. A great name. I had a holographic Charizard card as a kid and it was the greatest day of my life when I saw it. I can’t say enough good things about Charizard. There will never be an opponent who will knock him off his perch at the head of the PokeWorld. (Barstool: Charizard)

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