Airports Suck

Listen, I’m not breaking new ground here. We all know how terrible airports are. If you’ve had the displeasure of traveling via aircraft, you likely saw this headline and wholeheartedly agreed.

Airports do indeed, suck.

Well actually, not so much the airport itself, but the critters that go to them and have no idea how to act. It’s almost like the second these dumb dumb’s walk through the doors, they lose all sense of regularness and become these weird mouthbreathers who have no interest in following simple orders.

I hate airport people.

The Refuse To Wait Their Turn People

First and foremost, why is everyone so anxious to get on the plane? You’re already through security. You’ve already found your terminal. You did it! You made it! Now sit your overzealous ass down and wait for your section to be called. Do you think the plane is going to take off before you get on? Like they’re going to see you coming and be like “Ah too late loser! Shouldn’t have waited so long to stand up and get in line!” Thumb their nose at you and fly away? Calm down, you’ll make it, I promise.

These were the same kids in school who, during holiday parties and whatnot, got up before their table was called and created total anarchy for the rest of the class. Just total assholes from Elementary School to now. Career assholes.

How hard is it to follow directions? You’d think in this pandemic-filled world that we live in now, people would be extra careful to follow a simple direction. But no, not the Airport Moron’s. It’s almost like they’ve devolved into these strange creatures that know no law’s and just do whatever the hell they want. It’s chaos.

The Stand Up Too Early People

Speaking of not following directions: when the plane lands, what does the person in the speakers always say? “Please stay seated until the row in front of you begins to depart the plane.” And now they add in “social distancing” as even more of a reason to sit the hell back down and wait until it’s your turn to leave. Once again, what do these people think? The plane is going to just…take off again with them still on it? Like they’re going to get trapped in the plane like some sort of Saw movie until they find out the key to escape was lodged up their ass while they were sleeping during the flight? Just wait your turn, it’s gonna be okay.

I think these people just can’t handle the fact that someone else is going to be getting off the plane before them and they just HAVE to be one of the first ones off. Because there’s no other reason for these imbeciles to shoot up and grab their bags from the overhead bins the second the plane lands. What’s wrong with you people? And then they stand there and shake their heads and start doing the big “I’m annoyed” breaths acting like they weren’t just told to sit down and wait your freaking turn. I repeat: just follow directions.

The Security Line People

Getting through security is still an issue for people apparently. Not so much people being unprepared for it though. From what I’ve noticed, most people get it. Take your shoes off, empty your pockets and wait your turn to walk through the pseudo-body scanner machine thingy. Once again where my issue comes is with people following a simple direction.

The security guy literally walks up and down the line and says it a dozen times in an attempt to drill in into your thick skulls, but some of us just can’t seem to grasp what to do next: “Ladies and gentleman, every item in your pocket needs to be in a bin. That includes electronics, keys, wallet, everything. Shoes do not need to go in a bin. Thank you.” But guess what happens? THESE NINCOMPOOPS PUT THEIR SHOES IN A BIN! And then the security guard looks at them with the “did I not just tell you this 10 times you idiot” face while asking you to take your shoes out of the damn bin. Simple rule, tough to follow apparently.

The Slow, Confused Walking People

I dislike these people in my normal everyday life, but when you add the airport into it, my hatred just gets turned up tenfold. When you get off your plane, just keep walking. Do not stop. Do not collect $200. Just keep walking. You’ll eventually get to the big lobby that’ll tell you where you need to go. Just follow the herd.

You know what you don’t want to do? Stop in the middle of everyone and decide to go through your bag or take off your jacket, neatly fold it and place it on top of your stupid rolley suitcase. And don’t you dare stop to try to take a picture. I will stand there in the back and ruin it. I hope you like strangers giving you the finger in your “We made it!” celebratory snapchat picture, asshat’s.

The Keep The Window Blind Open Person

This is a pretty classic one I think, but I had to bring it up because I was sitting next to one of there turds. The guy had to be in his late 20’s, but you’d like he was a little kid with how excited he was to look out the window and record us leaving, in the air and landing. I understand taking a picture out of the window to post or something. I’m 28, I get the weird addiction we all have with social media to let people know what we’re doing even though no one actually cares.

But for the love of god, you best shut that blind by the time we get 500 feet in the air because if I have to watch Avengers: Endgame with a glare on my screen because you’re super giddy about being so high up in the air, I’m going to freak out on your stupid ass do absolutely nothing but give you a few angry glares so you know my displeasure with you.

So as a PSA to all future airport goers, it’s not difficult. Just be normal. Follow directions. Trust me, no one there is pumped to have to get on a plane and essentially sit still for 3+ hours. But you’re dumb ass shouldn’t be one of the reasons the experience sucks.

Thank you for your time.

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