Florida Is Getting Super Mosquitoes

While the world is literally crumbling before our very eyes, the great state of Florida has decided to take a stand on the real matter at hand.


Insect-combatting tech company Oxitec has created a male mosquito modified so that all of its offspring die before hatching.

A plan to release more than 750 million OX5034s into the Florida Keys received Environmental Protection Agency approval in May and got an unanimous go-ahead from seven Florida agencies in June, providing Oxitec with the Experimental Use Permit it needed to move forward. The project has been seeking approval for more than a decade, CNN reported.

They can’t be serious with that company name. Oxitec? Why not just call is Oscorp and go full super villain. That’s a red flag right off the bat that I feel like most people are missing. You know the part ins Avengers Endgame when they go back in time and Ant-Man looks at the bad guys and is like “Come on you guys seriously couldn’t tell these are bad guys? They even look like bad guys!” That’s the situation we have here.

And if you have to wait A DECADE to get your silly project off the ground, that’s probably another red flag that uh, maybe you should go back to the drawing board. Or maybe even just throw the drawing board away in this case because I don’t think Mecha-Mosquitoes is what 2020 needs right now.

I try not to be surprised by anything Florida-related nowadays, but even I have to say, I certainly didn’t see this one coming. I know we all hate mosquitoes and they’re arguably the most annoying bug on planet Earth, but why are we injecting them with some pseudo-super soldier serum and releasing them on the world? Doesn’t seem necessary.

But apparently, some people think it is..

The altered insects were conceived after particularly bad outbreaks of mosquito-spread dengue fever in the Keys in 2009 and 2010. Desperate to control the situation, the Florida Keys Mosquito Control District reached out to Oxitec for solutions..

Not sure if this was common knowledge or not, I really don’t think it is, but who knew that there existed an organization called the Florida Keys Mosquito Control District!? Have things really been that bad down in the keys with these little blood suckers? So bad that the hallowed FKMCD had to step in and ask for assistance?

I’m not 100% sure what the purpose of mosquitoes are, or if they even have one to be honest, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to just completely wipe their entire species out of existence in any given area. Do we know what’s going to happen if this all goes according to plan? What if these mosquitoes were the main source of food for Floridian spiders who will have little to nothing to eat. And now suddenly, driven to the brink of death by hunger, they start attacking people and we have a spider apocalypse? I bet no one thought of that!

All the surely terrifying ramifications aside, this is the best quote in the entire article:

Winning the growing war against disease-spreading mosquitoes will require a new generation of safe, targeted and sustainable tools for governments and communities alike,” Oxitec’s CEO Grey Frandsen said in the May statement.

This Grey Frandsen fella is out here giving speeches that could’ve been ripped directly from a comic page where the villain is trying to win over the civilians to join his evil cause. BUT I’M NOT FALLING FOR IT PAL!

Oh, you thought the War on Drugs was important? How about the War on Terror? Or, more recently, the War on Racism? Nope. The War Against Mosquitoes is what we need to shift our focus on my friends. And let me tell you, this is a war we are going to WIN! Now who’s with me!?”

So I guess we’ll just add genetically modified mosquitoes to the list of “Fun Things That 2020 Has Brought Us”. Ugh.

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