Florida Is Undefeated Part IV: Deadly Amoeba’s

Florida is officially doing it’s part to make sure that 2020 is the end of the world. American’s Armpit has officially become our countries hot spot for Coronavirus cases and now they’ve gone and topped themselves once again.

Brain-eating deadly amoebas.

Naegleria fowleri. And as we all know, good ‘ol NF leads to a dangerous infection in the brain called, you guessed it, primary amebic meningoencephalitis. Apparently there have only been 37 cases of this brain-dissolving amoeba since 1962, so of course, it was bound to pop up again in 2020, the Devil’s Year.

But hey, the good news is that the only way this brain-dissolving super cell can get to you is through your nasal passage so…just don’t get water up your nose and you’ll be all set! That’s easy, right? The odds of you personally catching this is extremely low, BUT, you also need to remember what year we are in. So any odds of an ancient brain-eating bacteria getting inside your skull get automatically increased by 50%. 2020 is like the ultimate test of Murphy’s Law. Anything that could go wrong sure as shit has so far.

I tell ya, living in Florida is a double edged sword. On one side there is literally never a boring day. Regardless of what’s going on in the world, Florida is always a hotbed for some weird, wacky, borderline horrifying news, which is entertaining. But at the same time, if I can paraphrase the great Michael Scott, Florida’s strengths are also it’s weaknesses. There is never a dull day. Never a time where you lay down to go to bed at the end of the night, sweating your ass of because it’s 90 degrees at 11 at night, and you think to yourself, “Well at least nothing strange happened in Florida today!”

With each passing day Tom Brady has to question his decision to move to and begin to play professional football in such a shitshow of a state huh? And especially with Father Time sneaking up on Old Man Tom, he needs to watch himself. First Corona, now this? This is the world punishing Brady for leaving New England if you ask me.

Oh, and of the 143 total cases of this amoeba found in the US, only a whopping 4 have survived. So that’s nice to think about. Florida, gotta love it!


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