2020: Up Next – Coke Boars

As I start every blog like this, let me repeat: Man, 2020 has been wild, huh?

I’m not a big religious guy so I’m not really sure what constitute’s as a sign of the apocalypse, but I would think wild board hopped up on cocaine would count as a sign of the end of times, no?

First things first, the fact that I had to get over halfway through that article before allthatsinteresting.com brought up coked up boars is laughable. No one gives a shit about the $22,000 worth of coke, you know why we’re here.

And that was when we got arguably one of the more horrifying statements of 2020:

“Meanwhile, what happened to the curious animals remains unknown.”

Ummmm, whaaa? Has there ever been a better time for the guy blinking GIF?

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You’ve misplaced the feral pigs who’s nostrils were lined with $22,000 worth of blow? That seems like a problem.

These aren’t just regular pigs we’re dealing with. Pigs is a massive disservice to what these beasts are. They’re wild boars. You have to add the “wild” in front of it because it makes them sound more menacing and untamed. That works with any animal by the way. Case in point: are you afraid of a cat or a WILDcat?

You know what the scariest part of all these “animals attack” articles are? Every single one of them have a statement like this:

“Wild boars, or cinghiale, have been increasingly spotted in Italy’s countryside.”

These animals nowadays have some balls on them. They’ve had quite enough of our shit. They’re taking over. Slowly, but surely. The animals are fighting back. The world is slowly healing itself of its greatest disease: humans.

What happens when the Murder Hornets mate with these things and we get coked up wild murder boars running around? Good luck everybody.

 

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