Bolivian’s Are Trying To Create Spiderman

It’s everyone’s dream to be a superhero when they grow up right? Don’t give me the “firefighter, policeman or athlete” nonsense. When you’re a kid, you want to grow up to have superpowers.

I still vividly remember one day sitting on the toilet (everybody poops) when I lived up in NH and looking down at my knuckles thinking, “These guys do look kind of pointy…”. And for a good week or so I genuinely thought I was going to become Wolverine. Everyday I would look down at my knuckles, usually while on the toilet, and inspect them to see if the adamantium was sprouting through yet.

And before you call ME stupid, I give you these 3 Bolivian kids.

Spidey is my favorite superhero of all time so I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about purposely getting bit by a spider in hopes to become a wall crawler. Only issue is that I am absolutely terrified of spiders so I wouldn’t even let one get close enough to me to try out this little science experiment.

Other than the fact that one may not be able to obtain wed-slinging abilities via a spider bite, I think these kids were working with the wrong type of arachnid here. As proven by the multitude of Spiderman origin stories we’ve all seen, you need to get bit by some sort of scientifically engineered spider, not just your garden variety garden spider, regardless of how deadly they’re known to be.

I think if anything, these kids were going to sprout red hair and become a Russian spy like their comic book counterpart before they became a friendly neighborhood hero. Better luck next time guys! (Seriously though, don’t let there be a next time. Unfortunately none of us can be Peter Parker).

These 3 brave kids should actually be considered heroes. They likely saw the absolute shitshow that 2020 has turned into and decided to take matters into their own hands and try to save the world.

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