2020: We Have Zombies

Well this is it folks. 2020 has brought us uncontrollable wildfires, a potential WWIII, the government admitting to the existence of aliens and Corona, but like the stubborn human beings we are, we persevered. And now the planet has had enough of our shit so it’s unleashing the ace up it’s sleeve: zombies.



The human race is a resilient group. We’ve overcome a lot in our few years here on this rock of ours. But you want to want to know the ONE thing that we will for sure take an L against? Zombies. With the stubbornness and overall arrogance we all possess, there’s no way we would survive an attack of the living dead. No way.

But enough about our demise, let’s get back to the story at hand. A CORPSE WAVED AT US! Almost as if to say “Hey guys, see you soon once I dig my way out of this here box you got me in.”

The best part is what the priest said right before this happened:

“God has said in the Book of John, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, he will live even though he is dead”

I’m not a big bible guy, but are there a lot of passages like this? Because if so, Jesus knew about/created zombies long before Rick Grimes woke from his coma.

The frustrating part here is, just like with aliens, the “scientists” out there have already been quick to dismiss this as a natural occurrence:

“Experts debunked the theory that the corpse was still kicking, saying simple rigor mortis was to blame,  according to the report.

The condition, in which the body stiffens during later stages of decomposition, can cause the corpse to move, researchers from Central Queensland University in Australia said, the outlet reported.”

Oh yeah? Good ol rigor mortis huh? Just like it was a hot air balloon that crashed in Roswell back in 1947 right? Or how UFO’s are just “military flight tests”?

Rigor mortis is a bullshit explanation anyway. I pulled up the Google machine and did some research: rigor mortis occurs a few hours after death and can last anywhere from an hour to four days. That sounds like a pretty reasonable explanation correct? Well not when you realize that the average time before someone dies and their funeral is one to two weeks! So unless this John actually died much later than everyone says, there’s no way this can be rogor mortis!

Coronavirus has officially mutated.

Good luck World.

Tv the walking dead amc GIF on GIFER - by Stonecliff

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