Florida Sucks: #FloridaMorons Edition

What does a state have to do before it get’s completely exiled from a Nation? Like, how many screw ups and just dumb decisions does it take before the rest of the country decides to cut their losses and move onto banishment? Because one has to assume that Florida is rapidly approaching that point.

I present to you, in all his glory, the Governor of Florida, Mr. Ron DeSantis.

No one briefed him on how to properly put on a mask before he showed up? Were there no adults present? No one to pull him aside and be like “Hey Ronnie, one sec, I know you’ve had issues with this, but let me just give you a quick refresher course on these puppies…” That’s all it would’ve took! Masks aren’t tough to put on!

But what can we expect from someone who thought THIS was a good decision:

You know when you get really sick so you start to take medicine and you begin to feel a little better so you stop taking the medicine because you think you’re instantly cured? That’s exactly what’s happening here. And all that does is make you get real sick AGAIN because you were never really cured in the first place, the medicine was just starting to work. Just because things are starting to look somewhat hopeful, that doesn’t mean you STOP DOING WHAT GOT YOU TO THIS POINT.

“Oh the curve is starting to flatten? OPEN THE GATES! THE PEOPLE NEED THEIR TANS!”

Beaches are essential to us Floridians apparently, nevermind the fact that there were a record 1,413 confirmed cases in Florida this Friday. I better see a mask on every single one of those imbeciles.

And please, enough with the “This is just the flu! It’s not that serious!” nonsense. You sound like an idiot. Stop focusing on the overall death total and start looking at how many people are dying compared to how many people are infected. You just sound like Dr. Phil.

But seriously, once again, what would you expect from a state that thinks professional wrestling is essential because “people are chomping at the bit” for new content.

“I mean, if you think about it, we’ve never had a period like this in modern American history where you’ve had such little new content, particularly in the sporting realm. I mean, people are watching, we’re watching, like, reruns from the early 2000s, watching Tom Brady do the Super Bowl then, which is neat because he’s gonna be in Tampa and I think they have a chance to win a Super Bowl this year. But I think people, to be able to have some light at the tunnel, see that things may get back on a better course — I think from just a psychological perspective I think is a good thing.”

That’s a legitimate quote from a Government official.

Let’s risk the health of thousands just because you’re sick of watching Tom Brady dominate the NFL over and over again. Public safety is important until we’re forced to watch reruns of old sporting events. That’s where the line must get drawn! Makes sense! We’ll see how that light at the end of the tunnel looks a couple weeks from now when Florida is still deep in the shits because people think getting a tan is more important than taming a pandemic.

As someone who lives in this ass-backwards state, I feel partly responsibly for some reason. Please just know, not EVERYONE who lives here is as braindead as our Governor. Most of them are, but there’s still a few left with some modicum common sense.

I think it’s time we do what needs to be done..

Has there ever been a time where a GIF so perfectly depicts reality? Everyone sharpen your saws, it’s time.


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