Florida Man: Coronavirus Edition

The Coronavirus (or COVID-19 if you want to pretend to be smart and go formal with it) has swept over the world like nothing we’ve seen in recent memory. This global pandemic has forced everyone to hold their family close keep a safe 6-foot distance in between our loved ones as we all ride this out together.

But not in Florida.

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Oh you thought Florida Man was going to tone it down during a worldwide pandemic? You must not know Florida Man.

Lots to unpack here, but first and foremost, it takes a true psychopath to attack someone with a butter knife. Of all the knives in the kitchen, that’s the least lethal one you can choose. Just goes to show you that Florida Man doesn’t care what weapon he can get his hands on, the real weapon here is the man himself. I guess being 46 and still living with your mom makes you do crazy things.

And then we move on to arguably the number 1 go to, trendy threat of 2020: “I hope you catch corona!” The whole “bash your fucking brains in” quote wouldn’t even effect someone nowadays. It’s like, oh yeah buddy? You gonna go grab your butter knife and finish me off? But hoping someone get’s corona AND coughing on them? That’s about as serious as serious gets.

But it doesn’t end there! It get’s better: “I hope the coronavirus…I hope it latches on to you. I hope it makes you puke. I hope you die.”

The idea of a virus latching on to someone is terrifying. I picture something like this crawling out from under your bed of out of your close and digging it’s claws into your legs.

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(That image is from this movie “Pooka Lives”. Saw the previews for it yesterday and it looks like one of those “it’s so bad it’s kind of good?” scary movies.)

You can almost feel the rage by Florida Man here when he says he hopes the virus makes these cops puke. That’s not even a symptom of COVID-19 right now, so this guy wants the virus to go above and beyond what it’s already doing to people in order to torture these police officers for daring to pull him away from charging at his mom with the business end of a butter knife. Truly threatening stuff.

But hands down the best part of this entire ordeal is the Sheriff’s TWITTER RESPONSE to Florida Man:

 

We’re getting Sheriff’s insulting people on twitter. Is the “they will teach him to cover his mouth in jail” line a sexual threat? Seems like it may be. That’s Florida for ya. 2020 is crazy.

BONUS MOVIE TRAILER: Pooka Lives baby!

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