Jennifer Lopez and Shakira Come Out Of Nowhere To Perform At NFL Halftime Show

I blame Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson for this.

Ever since the infamous ‘tasseled-titty incident’ back in 2004, these halftimes shows have almost exclusively been trash. We’ve had to deal with Katy Perry, Paul McCartney, Rolling Stones and freaking Madonna. People who either, at the time, haven’t been in the spotlight for ages or had to use their walkers in order to make it to the stage. The Super Bowl Halftime Show should get everyone pumped up and excited for the second half of the game. Not a half-assed mishmosh of Coldplay, Beyonce and Bruno Mars.

Jennifer Lopez and Shakira just ain’t it man.

It’s not even anything against these two women. I love em. They’re both legends for what they’ve done. But we’re talking past tense here. JLo is one of the stars in the movie Hustlers right now which, judging by everything I’ve been hearing, is pretty good. But just because you have a hit movie doesn’t get you a ticket to perform at the Halftime Show!

And Shakira has some certified bangers, but the old saying ‘what have you done for me lately’ applies here just like it does with JLo. Why can’t the NFL get artists that are hip today or have some hits out within the last year? Why do we keep getting these boring bands or legends well past their primes?

Oh. That’s why.

I understand that no one wants anything to do with this because of what the NFL owners are doing with Kaepernick, but every single artist out there can’t be boycotting the Halftime Show, can they? Was this really the best they could do? They had plenty of time to try to find someone hip and relevant. Instead, they get two stars who haven’t been on anyones minds for years.

Once again, it is nothing against them. They’re great. Shakira and Jenny from the Block moving their hips all over the stage is gonna be a spectacle for the ages. I just feel like there could’ve been a better choice.

This is legitimately the easiest decision in the history or easy decisions. The game is in Miami you say…?

Are you trying to tell me Mr. 305 was MIA? You think the legend that is Pitbull would turn this down!? Oh no no. That’s not how Armando Perez rolls. I don’t think the spanish Hitman has ever been offered a gig he didn’t like. This guy will go anywhere and everywhere. This was the Halftime Show we deserved.

And just looking at this from a purely music standpoint, does Jennifer Lopez really have THAT many hits…? Jenny From The Block, Love Don’t Cost A Thing and I’m Real are all that come to mind. And if you’re gonna tell me Ja Rule is gonna crawl out from whatever hole he’s been in to ‘surprise’ everyone, I’ll be outta there like the spongebob meme. And please….please JLo, I know you have an upbeat song with Iggy Azalea, but for the love of sweet baby Jesus, do not, under any circumstances bring THIS to the NFL Halftime Show….

The fact that music in general persevered through this is amazing. Iggy was trying to destroy the entire industry with this one. I still don’t know what T.I. saw in this chick.

Anyway, Shakira does have a couple more hits than Jenny, but most of her popularity and fame is in the spanish community. Which is actually the language that most of her songs are in; likewise with Jennifer Lopez.

I don’t know. I just feel like there were better choices here. What’s Lizzo doing? Because let me tell ya, a Halftime Show with Lizzo would have everyone glued to their seats. Have you seen the energy this lady brings with everything that she does? And she’s also the biggest star in the world right now.

Whatever. While all this is going on, I’ll be too busy stress eating watching another nailbiter with my New England Patriots on their way to yet another Lombardi. See ya in February.

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