Hold on, let me write what the actual headline should’ve been: “Florida Girl Uses Parents Debit Card To Pay Two Of Her Friends To Murder Her Parents….And Also Buys $100 Worth Of Cocaine”
Right when you think Florida Man can’t be topped, along comes Florida Woman to up the ante. Just a bizarre story here. You know it’s gonna be good when the $100 worth of coke isn’t even the worst thing she used her parents money for.
First of all, what could 17 year old Alyssa Hatcher’s parents have done for her to want them DEAD. Take away her phone? Delete her Snapchat? Ground her? Or would a worse punishment be to actually make her go outside and entertain herself as opposed to being glued to social media. I’m 27 so I don’t know what the kiddos are doing nowadays.
This reminds me of the Dave Chapelle bit about school shootings. Sure, classmates have upset me before, but I’ve never thought to just kill everyone. That’s the same thing here. Everyone’s parents piss them off from time to time……but ya can’t just kill em for it!
And if you’re gonna go through with this, why the hell are you paying your friends to do it!? Did she think a professional would be too much money? You gotta think a pro would start at like, $5,000 at the very least so maybe she wanted to go the bargain route. Either way, it’d be more than the “$900 or so” she gave one of her buddies to do the deed. The friend is kiiiiinda a dick here too though. How you gonna rat out this chick if she’s your friend? Are there no ride or die’s anymore?
If I’m Alyssa’s parents, I want her gone. You can put up with a lot as a parent, but if your kid ever hires, not one, but TWO people to try to kill you? Ya gotta cut her off. You don’t have a daughter anymore. Wonder if the parents hire one of THEIR friends to take HER out now? It’s Florida so nothings impossible.
P.S. Alyssa is out here trying to catfish people too: