Antonio Brown Is A New England Patriot

Shit. Were officially living in the Upside Down. Bananaland. If you told me 5 years ago that the Patriots would have Josh Gordon, Demaryius Thomas and Antonio Brown on the same team, I’d say you’re playing Madden. But yet here we are.

Do you understand how much backtracking I have to do now? I’ve written blog after blog trashing this clown. Now he’s in my team.

What the fuck do I do? I hate this guy. But now I have to cheer for him. He’s great. But he’s an asshat. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL!

This contract better be chalk full of verbiage stating that if he even THINKS about acting like a dickhead, he’s out. Donezo. No more frostbite incidents. No hot air balloons. Wear the right god damn helmet. Stay the HELL off social media.

Ugh. I’m in a real pickle here guys. I trust everything Bill and this organization does. I trusted them when they moved on from Ty Law, Richard Seymour, Trey Flowers, Chandler Jones, Jimmy G and so many more. I even backed the benching of Butler!

But this? This is gonna test my undying faith. Here we go..

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But like, Brady having Antonio freaking Brown does make it move a bit. Shit. Am I already coming around on this!?

Wait….was this the plan all along? Brown was never gonna play a game at Oakland was he? This was Genius Bills way of using his Jedi tricks to get Brown here using his Padawan Mike Mayock!? Oh my god.

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