Rob Gronkowski Is 100% Coming Back This Year

So Rob Gronkowski had this big announcement planned today. Would he be coming back to the league? Would he announce some sort of partnership or something with the WWE like he was rumored to last offseason? What was this all about!?

Cannibus.

Okay, so this definitely seemed like a bit of a let down. A tease. A case of blue balls if you will. But looking at this strictly from a business perspective, it makes sense. Gronk said that his body has been pain free for the first time in 10 years! All, supposedly, because of this CBD recovery he’s been doing. Gronkowski is as good a choice as any to try to persuade that narc Roger Goodell to finally allow cannibus use in the NFL. The fact that it’s still banned is pure insanity. I mean, weed is starting to become legal in more and more states, but not the NFL? Especially when numerous different players have said how it’s helped them overcome injuries and pain? Come on Roger, get with the (high) times man.

But, not one to leave his fans unsatisfied, the Hall of Fame tight end gave us a very juicy little tid bit. Rob Gronkowski may be eyeing a return to the dynasty he left behind!

“When I feel like my body’s top notch, my soul, my mind, mentally and physically, I’m ready….then I would go back to the NFL…”

“Could be….maybe never…but…you know me though…”

Yeah….okay….he’s definitely coming back. I mean come on, how can you watch that clip and think anything else!? He was practically stumbling over every word trying not to just let it slip that he’d be back before the playoffs! Look at the end of the video, that’s all the proof you need. Also, if you’re gonna announce this big partnership and how you feel so great, what’s the best way to show that this product really works? To unretire.

If you’re Gronkowski, things couldn’t be lining up any better. You leave the league and use an unfairly banned substance to get healthy and get your body healed. Then, once you flush that out of your system, boom, you make your comeback. This was probably his plan all along. Shit, Belichick is probably in on the whole damn thing! Seriously though, it makes sense. While Rob is out getting healthy and getting his shit together, Brady is busy gaining chemistry with DT, Josh Gordon, Harry and Meyers. Then, once everyone is on the same wavelength, you drop in the most unstoppable weapon in football back on a well oiled machine of an offense. The plan is fool proof!

Wanna know what I didn’t expect at all though from watching this announcement? To get sad. Rob Gronkowski and ‘sad’ should never belong in the same sentence, but yet here we are…

This reminded me of when Andrew Luck was talking about all the punishment he took over the years, except multiplied by 100. This man was mauled game in and game out with referees seemingly looking the other way half the time. If anyone deserved to retire from the game, it’s number 87 from the New England Patriots.

But fear not Patriot Nation, our lovable beast of a tight end will be back in no time. When, you might ask? Well, I’ve looked at the Pats schedule and the answer becomes pretty clear. Week 11 against the Eagles. It’s a game following a Bye Week so that would give Gronk and the Pats plenty of time to ingrain him back into the system once again, which should be a pretty seamless transition.

That means going into the final stretch of the season you’d get a physically and mentally healthy Rob Gronkowski. Something that we really haven’t seen the last few years. That’s unfair, I get that. How can a team that’s so damn good just keep getting better!? Father Time is gonna have to sit this one out, because not only has he lost the fight with the GOAT, he’s got the greatest tight end of all time coming for that ass.

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