What. The. Hell. Am. I. Watching.
Listen, I know that everyone has their own way to raise their kids and whatnot, but in no household should you child ever be sucking your toes. What type of monster is Armie Hammer trying to raise here? This can’t be the first time he’s let his kid do this either, I mean, he got two toes in there. Has he been on the phone with Rex Ryan recently?
****Quick Disclaimer: Do NOT type in “Rex Ryan toe GIF” into google…just don’t….****
This kid is gonna grow up thinking it’s cool to suck toes at his leisure. Imagine this fucker at a beach? Hide your feet, hide your toes! Cause he’s sucking all the toes out there!
I opened Twitter and saw that Armie Hammer was trending. Oh hell yeah, he’s been rumored to be involved in a bunch of superhero movies so I was all excited. Little did I know the horror I was about to see. There was no movie announcement. There was just feet. Feet in a child’s mouth. I am still baffled.
And why is he chuckling after this!? I just asked my girlfriend Nicole, “Hey, you think it’d be normal if I let our future kids suck on my toes?” Her immediate answer was no. And rightly so! I get that kids are probably teething around that age, but that’s what fucking pacifiers are for! NOT YOUR GOD DAMN TOES YOU CRAZY PERSON!
It’s gonna suck for this kid when he get’s older. He’s gonna be just walking through high school one day and all of the sudden he’s gonna be walking down the halls and hear muddled laughter and people turning away. He won’t know what’s going on. Until all of the sudden the school bully points at him and yells out: “Hey everyone look! It’s the Serial Toe Sucker! Better not wear sandals around this psycho!”