The Air Force Is Ready To Murder Every Single One Of Us

I’ve been wondering when the Government would make some sort of a press release in reference to this now wildly popular plan to storm Area 51. And they have! By way of the Air Force essentially saying that they don’t want to, but if they have to, they will kill us. Yes, I say us because I said I was ‘attending’ on Facebook, even though, I think I may have plans that night….

But anyway, the exact quote from Air Force spokeswoman Laura McAndrews:

“The US Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets”

First and foremost, why not just say “protect America” huh? What are these “assets” you speak of hmmm? Aliens? UFO’s? Where there’s smoke they is fire and Laura McAndrews did nothing to temper said fire.

Secondly, hey McAndrews, you literally handled this in the worse way possible. You think taking a strong stance against conspiracy theorists/psychopaths is going to help!? Nope. Here, let me help you out with what you SHOULD have said:

“While we appreciate everyone’s curiosity as to what’s going on in Area 51, we assure you it is just a military testing base. And with any military testing base, it needs to be guarded. We strongly urge anyone thinking of ‘storming’ this base to reconsider. There are defense precautions set in place, armed and ready once they’re triggered, in order to deter against an ambush and we do not want a Facebook group to accidentally set that off while these same defenses could be used against actual threats to our safety. Thank you very much.”

This works because instead of outright saying you are ready to line us up and knock us all down, you’re saying that there are pre-planned defenses in play that can’t be stopped once people start approaching.

These aren’t trained assassings or formet S.W.A.T. members we’re talking about here. We’re talking about teenagers and millennials hyped up on Monster and Cheese Balls who just wanna get a glimpse of an alien. This is quite literally what the guards are going to see approaching.

Hearing that they will be murdered and there’s no way to stop it will proooobably make most of em say “eh, do we really wanna die for this?” and go on with their lives.

But no, instead, what you did is say “Oh you think you can just storm this bitch? Bring it on. We will literally mow down every single one of you protecting our secrets!”

But this response begs the question: If there are no extraterrestrial things in Area 51, why are you openly threatening American human lives, saying you’ll murder them in cold blood in order to protect what you don’t want us to know!? Again, where there’s smoke, there’s fire and the alien fire grows stronger everyday here!

But then again, if you say nothing, and people do show up and you DO have secrets on secrets on secrets there, then you’ll actually have to end up killing people. It’s a real tight rope walk that our Government is walking here. Wanna know how it could all be stopped? JUST ADMIT THAT ALIENS EXIST!

Seriously, almost everyone on the planet already knows this, and the ones who don’t are just too afraid to admit it or are really that ignorant and believe that we’re the only intelligent life out there. Just come out and say there’s extraterrestrial life/technology at Area 51 and it needs to be protected and hidden at all costs. I guarantee you no one would show up to storm the gates like its Helms Deep. Know why? Because all we want is for you to just admit that there are freaking aliens there!That’s it!

I mean my god, even if there isn’t alien tech there, just say there is! Literally all we want is for you to just finally concede the fact that you’ve been hiding shit at Area 51 for decades and we’ll all lay down our arms and go back to playing our video games and downing 6 energy drinks a day.

In all seriousness though, I’m genuinely concerned about what’s going to happen on that cold, dark night on September 20th, 2019. Will this be the day we tell our grandchildren and great grandchildren about? Bed time stories about the time where over a million civilians uncovered the truth behind the most secretive and polarizing military base in America? Or will it be a day scrubbed from text books due to the fact that our Air Force had to brutally murder hundreds and hundreds of innocent human lives in order to keep up the biggest lie in our checkered history?

It’s your move Area 51. Because we are coming for that alien ass.

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