Casting Current Boston Athletes As Avengers

Marvel has been a juggernaut in the movie industry for the past decade. New England has been THE juggernaut in the sports world for the past decade. Let’s mash em up!

****Before you talk shit about the photoshopping, it’s not supposed to be perfect, assholes. Half the humor is how rough some of em look. Enjoy!***

Tom Brady as Captain America

This one is fairly obvious. Tom Brady started this era of dominance for New England, essentially being the ‘First Avenger’ of all our athletes. Captain America is wildly regarded as the actual ‘First Avenger’ so the comparison there is spot on. But it doesn’t end there. Cap will do anything necessary for the success of his team. He’ll sacrifice himself, make the tough calls, and just all around do what’s best for the team.

Julian Edelman as Iron Man

Julian Edelman and Tony Stark share a couple very similar characteristics. They are both sarcastic assholes. That’s clear. But they both also will iltimately do whatever is necessary for their team to win. If you’ve seen Endgame, you know exactly what I’m talking about with Tony Stark and when it comes to Edelman, he has played hurt numerous times, knowing that when he is out there he gives his team a better chance to win. They both are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for their squads.

Chris Sale as Thor

Thor has a temper. Chris Sale, as we saw during last years playoffs, also has a vicious temper. I mean, he freaked shit on the entire Red Sox dugout and scared them so badly that they kicked ass for the rest of the game. Also, Sale has been known to throw the baseball so hard that some have questioned if he is using the power of thunder to do so. Thor, as we all know, is the God of Thunder.

JD Martinez as The Hulk & Brad Stevens as Bruce Banner

Brad Stevens as Bruce Banner is absolutely spot on. Banner is a goofy nerd. Stevens looks like the definition of a nerd. Easy. As for JD being the Hulk, uh, have you seen how far this son of a bitch hits the baseball? The Hulk could only dream of hitting the ball as far as Jumbo Dong Martinez does!

Jayson Tatum as Spider-Man

Spidey is the budding, new superstar who is set to lead the Avengers for years to come. He has untapped strength and potential he just has to step up and be the hero we all know he can be. All these things can be said for Tatum as well. Another easy one here.

Jackie Bradley Jr. as Hawkeye

Both are useless at times, with JBJ lacking any real offense most of the time and Hawkeye being useless using his arrows on giant space alien worms. BUT both have some serious skill. Pinpoint accuracy being the main one. JBJ has an arm that can throw out any runner out there and Hawkeye can hit his targets without even looking at them.

Patrice Bergeron as Black Panther

Holy shit does that look badass, right? Anyway, T’Challa is a silent but strong leader. The same can be said for Bergy as well. Both have the respect of everyone they meet and back it up with everything they do.

Kyrie Irving as Doctor Strange

First of all, Kyrie Irving is a cocky, arrogant, asshole. As was Doctor Strange before he became the Sorcerer Supreme. Well, he’s still those things, just not as bad. The magic that Strange produces can be compared to Kyrie’s ball handling skills. It literally looks like sorcery sometimes. Only difference here is that when the chips were down, Strange showed up to help his team. Irving on the other hand crumbled like the little bitch boy that he is.

James White as Ant-Man

When James White is running with the ball, he fits through holes that only Ant-Man could get through. Elusive as all hell, it’s almost like he shrinks down to quantum realm size to evade defenders. Both are unsung heroes by the way. Without Ant-Man, the Avengers wouldn’t have had a way to go back in time and get the Infinity Stones and White helped carry his team to a Super Bowl win with 3 TD’s against the Falcons.

Matthew Slater as War Machine

War Machine is one of those heroes that sometimes gets forgotten, but is always there for the team. That’s the definition of Slater. Sure, he only plays on special teams but he is a big time impact guy on that side of the ball. When he’s out there, he’s gonna make a difference. That’s how War Machine is as well. When he’s out there you always know he’s got your back.

Tuukka Rask as Peter Quill

This one was tough. They both wear masks so..that’s something. And more often than not, the team goes the way these two guys go. If Tuukka has a bad day, the Bruins are in trouble. If Quill has a bad day, he screws everything up. Look no further than Infinity War. Dumbass.

Dont’a Hightower as Drax

Drax is a beast. Brute force at it’s finest. Hightower hits with the best of them. The muscle for both of their respective teams.

Brad Marchand as Rocket

Marchand is the definition of a pest. He can be annoying as shit but when he’s on your team, you love him despite his flaws. The same exact things are said about Rocket. Annoying as all hell, has a bit of a mouth on him, but you love him on your team.

Zdeno Chara as Groot

If Groot was a person he’d look just like Chara. They both have a bit of trouble with the English language too.

David Pastrnak as Gamora

Gamora is an assassin. One of the best in the galaxy. Pasta can shoot the puck with the best of them. I also wanted to see what Pastrnak would look like on Gamoras body. I was not let down.

Marcus Smart as Winter Soldier

The Winter Soldier was made for war. Smart is one of the only battle tested players left on the Celtics. Ready to go to war for his team whenever needed. They both also have a dark side to them. Winter Soldier can be turned into a villainous weapon at any moment and Smart has been known to throw up shots that have no chance of going in. The pros outweigh the cons in both situations though.

Devin McCourty as Falcon

Both McCourty and Falcon sometimes get lost in the shuffle with all the other stars around them, but both are extremely important when it comes to their teams success. They are heavily relied on to always be in the right place at the right time. Falcon also flies around and watches the teams back. McCourty flies around the secondary doing the same thing for the Pats.

Mookie Betts as Captain Marvel

Both have the power and skill to be one of, if not, the leader of their respective teams going forward for a very long time. We’re talking all time great potential here with both.

Bill Belichick as Nick Fury

The leaders. Without them, two of the most dominant forces, the Avengers and the Patriots, would cease to exist. Bringing together so many skillsets and making it all work is a daunting task. But it’s one that Nick Fury and Bill Belichick are always up for.

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