KITTEN UPDATE: I May Kill Them

Okay so, if you follow this blog or know me at all, you know that Nicole and I have two 7 week old kittens now. Sounds fun right? Cute little fur balls running around getting into mischief. Fun fun fun.

What I didn’t know though, was that the mischief they’d be getting into would include pissing, shitting and throwing up on every god damn thing in our apartment! I kid you not, these two little terrorists puke and shit almost everywhere BUT their litter box. It’s infuriating.

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We have one of those big love sacks in our living room that apparently is their favorite place to go the bathroom. Every single time we leave them home alone, even if it’s just for a couple hours, one of them climb up there to piss and shit their brains out. And I’m not talking nice solid poo’s that I can pick up real quick. No no no. We’re talking wet, liquidy feces here people. And the smell is horrendous.

And as if the love sack wasn’t annoying enough, wanna know their new place to go the bathroom? Our god damn bed! SOMETIMES EVEN WHEN ONE OF US ARE IN THE BED WITH THEM!

Perfect example: Yesterday morning I woke up to Nicole jumping out of bed, grabbing the cat and bringing him to his litter box. Apparently, this little shit climbed up on our bed solely to piss on it. Are you freaking kidding me? I was already kind of awake anyway since I get up around 4:30 to go to the gym, but still, not the ideal thing to wake up to.

But it doesn’t end there. I wish it did, but it doesn’t.

I get back from the gym, open the door and see Nicole standing in the living room, hands above her head, looking annoyed as hell. All she does is look at me, say “You’re gonna be pissed…” and tells me to follow her.

We go into the bedroom where, guess what? THERE’S SHIT ON THE BED! Not piss. Not throw up. Literal shit. Milky, nasty, tan colored shit. That’s not the worst part though. She tells me one of them shit on one of my ties on the ground in my closet!

What. The. Fuck. Is. Happening.

These kittens are slowly destroying our apartment. Not that it was the most clean apartment in the world before, I mean it wasn’t dirty. It just had your regular clutter here and there. You know what wasn’t there though? Piles of crap everywhere you turned. Tiny little turd mounds as far as the eye can see. I’m really starting to think they’re doing it cause they know it pisses us off at this point.

This is not what I signed up for when I okay’d getting these things. Attacking me feet? Sure. Climbing on my head while I’m trying to sleep? That’d to be expected. But this? This is just…evil. These are Satan’s cats.

One more week. I give them one more week to get their shit (pun intended) together.

Otherwise, does anyone want two tiny little adorable kittens?

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