The Poor Jets

I genuinely feel bad for some fan bases. The Jets are on the top of that list. To be a fan of a team that is just so inept and off base in every single thing they do must be a sad existence. I’m a Patriots fan of course. The worst thing we have deal with is local/national media overblowing random hit pieces about our team or our owner getting the occasional blowjob to top off his massage. Jets fans on the other hand need to worry about possibly getting a new coach every year, if their brand new shiny quarterback is the real deal, what the hell the offense is gonna do, if their defense will be able to stop New England this year, etc. But there’s light at the end of the tunnel!

I mean, what am I watching here guys. This is a uniform unveiling..ceremony? Party? Is this one of those ironic, laugh at ourselves type thing where they know how cringe-worthy this is? I legitimately don’t understand. The bright lights (you know this isn’t real because the actual Jets team never gets to even be around when the lights are the brightest), the fans and media losing their freaking minds, the coming out from behind the wall like their WWE superstars. THERE’S A GOD DAMN RUNWAY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Is this really this sad and depressing to be a fan of the New York Jets? Look at how jazzed up the players are! You got Sam Darnold out here pumping up the crowd and giving high fives like they just won a championship game. Quincy Enunwa pounding his chest and losing his mind like he just caught a big time touchdown to seal a win!

I feel like a rich man looking down at the less fortunate from my high rise apartment while they get excited over little things like finding loose change on the ground. Meanwhile I’m rolling around in my bed full of cash (loose change = new uniforms, bed full of cash = 6 Super Bowl trophies). I mean seriously, look at this shit. This fan base is getting pumped the FUCK up over some college-ass looking uniforms.

Look at how pumped these guys are in their new lil outfits! The black one looks kinda cool I guess, but it’s hard to screw up an all black uniform. But you’d never catch me cheering like a madman about it if I was a fan or pounding my chest about them if I were a player. The green and white ones just look like college uniforms which makes sense, seeing as the Jets should never be confused with a competitive NFL team. These things look like ass, but it makes sense considering the Jets are the butt of every football related joke.

Uniforms don’t equal wins. Talent and smarts equal wins, of which the Jets have minimal. It’s gonna be funny to watch fans actually act like these new uni’s are going to somehow equate to W’s. There’s no way they’ll actually pretend like that’s a thing right? Ya never know with the Jets. They’ll look for any reason to say their team is gonna actually get over the hump this year. Or look for some odd way to justify the design of these things..

….oh my god. The Jets Edge? Inspired by relentless speed!? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!? Holy shit. If you’re a Jets fan you have to just terminate your fandom after tonight right? Your team threw a god damn party in order to get you so pumped up about these ugly shits that you forget that your team will never be good as long as the Patriots exist. How sad.

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