Don’t Give Me A Nickname

This happens way too much. If I tell you my name is Mike or Sully, call me that. Don’t come up with some weird nickname and repeatedly call me that over and over throughout the day. It’s been happening at work with both customers and now also some salesmen. Most salesmen here will call me Sully since my last name is Sullivan. I honestly don’t think people even remember my name is Mike to be honest. But we have some new salesmen now who are coming up with random ass names and I am done with it. And them.

I can’t deal with it anymore. Today I literally walked right past a customer who was saying “Hey Big Guy!”. What the hell is that!? Here’s the most annoying ones:

Chief: The only time to use this is when you are making fun of people calling people stupid nicknames. If you ever find yourself actually calling someone ‘chief’ you need to stop what you’re doing and just leave. Leave wherever you are. You shouldn’t be around people if you’re gonna use dumbass nicknames like that. If you call me ‘chief’, I will call you an ‘indian’ and things can get real serious, real quick.

Bud/Buddy: These are fighting words. If you’re gonna call me ‘bud’ or ‘buddy’ you best be ready for confrontation. Try calling someone either one of these things right now. Do it. I dare you to try to do it and NOT come off sounding like a sarcastic asshat. Ya can”t do it. Also, if you call me buddy I feel like you’re kinda talking down to me. No one likes being talked down to, leading me back to my ‘be ready for confrontation’ point.

Friend: You clearly forgot my name. It’s fine, I’m horrendous with names so I don’t judge. Just don’t call me anything in that case. Just start the conversation. That’s what I do, “Hey so here’s what I found out about the vehicle…” blah blah blah. Don’t call me ‘friend’. You can’t even remember my damn name so what kinda friends are we?

Mikey: I will immediately insult you here. I don’t even care how mean it is. If you’re on the bigger side, I’ll call you fat. If you’re an idiot, I’m gonna call you a dumbass. If you are ugly as shit, I’m gonna call you Shrek. Do not even call me Mikey. I am not a child. Mikey is a little kid name, I am a man. It’s Mike, Michael or Sully. That’s it. Never Mikey. Just don’t do it. You fat, dumb, Shrek looking son of a bitch.

Big Guy/Big Boy: Listen, I’m human okay. I’m a little self-conscious. We all are. I’m trying to work at it but it’s tough when I love food/candy so much. Don’t fucking call me ‘Big’ anything. I take that shit to heart. Cause if you’re gonna call me ‘Big’ whatever, you clearly think I’m a large human. I don’t appreciate that. Wanna get immediately put onto my shit list? Call me one of these things. Now if you’re calling me Big Guy cause I just sold a car, that’s fine. I’m cool with that. I most certainly feel like the big guy on campus at that point, so go ahead, give me my props. But under no circumstance will you EVER call me big boy. Especially if I am eating. That’s just rude and you’re an asshole.

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