From #TheTugRule to #FellateGate

Okay, so we have some more juicy details about this whole Robert Kraft incident so I figured I’d update my previous blog.

I guess Mr. Kraft got a little bit more than just a little dry rub from these lovely ladies..and the details are kinda funny if we’re being honest

“On Jan. 20, the billionaire allegedly entered a room at the spa, hugged a woman inside and removed his clothing before laying face up on a massage table. At 11:02 a.m., the woman began “manipulating” Kraft’s genitals, which continued “for several minutes,” the affidavit from Jupiter Police read.

After a few minutes, [the woman] wiped Kraft in the area of his genitals with a white towel, helped him get dressed and hugged him again,” officials said. Kraft gave the woman a $100 bill and another bill before leaving around 11:13 a.m., according to prosecutors.”

Per Fox News

Now there is a little bit more that isn’t there BUT..try reading that and not giggling a little bit. I mean cum on, just seeing the phrase “manipulating” in reference to a mans genitals is hilarious in itself. Makes you think she was making shadow puppet with his junk in the dark while they both laughed.

The amount of hugging that occurred should put to rest the argument that Kraft somehow forced these women to do anything by the way. No one hugs someone that much when they are being forced to play with wrinkly balls. It just wouldn’t happen. If Kraft is going to be embarrassed about anything here, it shouldn’t be that this story itself is getting out. No no no, not at all. He should be embarrassed that they said “after a few minutes, [the woman] wiped Kraft…” Someone of Krafts stature sure as hell doesn’t want to be known as a Minuteman. But hey, I’m sure the billions of dollars he has makes up for what he lacks in the bedroom, right ladies?

The fact that Kraft did all this the DAY OF the AFC Championship game is hilarious too. Like, how does Mr. Kraft get ready for the biggest game of his teams season? Fellatio. And not only that, but he is a gracious tipper! Then he just hops back on his private jet and flies to KC to watch his team make it to yet ANOTHER Super Bowl. What a life.

The real crazy part is the story of the second count of solicitation. Mr. Kraft had a threesome! He had two MUCH younger ladies helping him blow off some steam. Or ‘manipulating his genitals’ as it should now always be called. And guess what? He tipped each of THEM $100 too! I’m sure there were multiple hugs exchanged as well. What a generous man.

But for real though, this isn’t a story. These details change nothing. We knew that something happened, now we just found out that instead of hands there were mouths used to perform the act. Doesn’t. Change. Anything. We’re talking about something that thousands of men have done and continue to do, but just because he is a billionaire, its getting all this press. Move on people.

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