My House Is Filled With Penises

I really wish I had some snappy joke to go along with that headline but I really don’t. I literally have 12 tiny little fleshy penises all over my apartment. All thanks to my friend Dave, who is my friend from New Hampshire. This isn’t gonna be a big blog describing our friendship though. I haven’t written that one yet. But I feel like you do need a LITTLE background.

Dave and I have been friends for..many years. I really am not sure how many to be honest. But its safe to say he is my closest friend, not like, closest in regards to where we are located on a map, but closest in the sense that we are best friends. And that’s all the history you’re gonna get for now. Remember people, we’re talking about dicks here.

We have a lot of weird inside jokes so thats what I thought I was getting when he texted me asking if I have checked my mail lately. I immediately freaked out for a second because for some reason half of the shit people send to us just mysteriously never gets here or gets returned to sender. Anyway, I checked the mailbox and there it was! A little package (pun intended).

I got home and told Nicole that Dave had send something to us. He said I would get a kick out of it so its safe to say that my expectations were pretty high. I felt the package and it almost felt as if there were a bunch of Tide Pods in there. Which got me very confused because for the life of me I couldn’t remember what inside joke we had that consisted of Tide Pods. Curiously I opened the package and dumped out its contents.

This is what came plopping out.

That is a legitimate picture that I JUST took of this little guy. If you look closely you can see he has a tiny little smile to go along with some tiny feet. And not only did just one of the pint sized peckers get sent to me, oh no. 12 individually wrapped little cocks came bouncing out onto my coffee table.

Nicole and I kinda stared at each other for a second. Out of all the things either of us were expecting, I think tiny, flesh-like penises were the last things we thought Dave would send us. Obviously we had to open a couple up to see what these things were made of.

They literally feel like little flaccid dicks.

Nicole even went as far to call one of them cute. Which we both laughed at. Which is actually funny because I feel like if a girl ever calls your dick cute it is NOT a laughing matter, but in this case, its was hilarious. We also came to find out if you stick them to a wall, the suction cup on there for a bit. So we had one hanging out on the wall for about 5 minutes until it dropped.

After unwrapping a few more just to throw around or whatever, we still have 12 penises scattered about our apartment. Maybe whenever our friends come down to visit we can play a game where we hide them and one person has to find where they all are. Or maybe when someone is sleeping over we can set them all up around them like they are apart of some sort of weird, tiny dick seance (spelled that correctly on my first try by the way).

So just letting everyone know, if you are going to send me or Nicole anything, there is no need to send tiny little skin colored penises. Dave has the dick gifts covered.

2 thoughts on “My House Is Filled With Penises

  1. Well according my children they are pumpkins or mushrooms lol They were throwing them around and having fun with the penises (mushrooms) 😂😂

    Like

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